Alright kiddies, it's all about crime this week!
The Sausage Prison Riots
You know, as I teacher I see ungrateful children all the time. "Mr. Rahmaan, can I have this? Mr. Rahmaan can I have that?" My usual answer is "NO!! Get your hands away from my lunch you germ having stinkpot!" They look at me with disdain and mope back to their seats and wish that my hair would fall out. I can appreciate their selfishness, because they're kids afterall, they're supposed to look out for themselves! But prison inmates on the other hand have no excuse! Last night, a riot broke out in a New Mexico prison because inmates were told they'd only be able to get one dinner sausage instead of two. What the fuck! Besides the fact that a phallic sausage has no place in prison, (for obvious reasons) prisoners have no reason to bitch about ANYTHING. They committed a crime, got sent to lock up, receive three square meals a day, A/C in the summer, heat in the winter, hot showers, soft comfy shoes and cotton clothes to dress in- all FOR FREE! What balls these guys have! That's like slapping your mother in the face, and then asking her "What's for dinner?" and then getting mad when she says, "Eat shit and die!" Fuck them, their soap droppin' "girlfriends" and their pork sausages. (I mean that figuratively of course.)
OJ, OJ, OJ
You would think that after getting aquitted for killing his ex-wife, then sued for everything he has (including a Heisman trophy), and then having all rights to his book about how he "would" have killed her given to his victims' families, he'd want stay out the limelight until, oh I don't know DEATH maybe. But NO, not OJ Simpson. Now he's a suspect in a Vegas robbery where he and four guys allegedly robbed a guy at gunpoint. His rationale: The guy stole some of his memorabilia and he was taking it back to give it to his kids. What the fuck. Apparently, he got a tip from someone that this guy had stolen his belongings and were about to sell it hoping to make tens of thousands of dollars. So OJ takes it upon himself to set up a "sting operation" and bust in on the guy. Well the sting worked, and OJ might be the one going to jail. Usually if you find out someone stole you shit, you call the cops and let them take care of it. Maybe OJ was afraid that if he called 911, the cops might instead laugh in his face. You know, maybe they would have....
Little Girl Lost
As the whole world watched (except me of course), Brittney Spears made a "comeback" on VH-1 -or was it MTV? Who gives a shit. Anyway, her dance routine sucked, her lip synch was off and the world is shocked. What the fuck. Why is this news? What was everyone expecting? The girl's been on drugs, in rehab, had a nervous breakdown, cut her hair off, fucked two massive clydesdales and now they expect a breakthrough performance. Get the fuck outta here. Now you may ask, "I thought this was about crime?" Well, what's criminal is how the brainiac execs used Brittney to draw people to their lame ass, whack ass, talentless awards show. Sad, sad, sad.