Pardon My French

Pardon my French but what the FUCK! This has been a crazy week in the news and since the BIG election week, the media has gone into a drunken, comatosed funk- check that, it's been a damn deathroll tailspin! If I hear about Emmitt Smith winning that dance-a-thon or Tom-Kat's pseudo-Judeo-Christian-Scientology-cult-Italian wedding one more time.....

Anyway, here's your week in What the Fuck!

Flag Ban

The City Council in the tiny Nevada town of Perrump...uh...Pharrrumpp.....uh...Phrummpy...uh Parum, sorry, Pahrump voted 3-2 to ban flying a foreign country's flag unless the American flag is present right next to it- preferably above it. This town of 17 (ok, 40,000...) is located smack dab in the middle of the Mojave Desert, about 60 miles from Sin City itself. According to supporters, the ban was enacted in response to protesters waving the Mexican flag during demonstrations in major US cities earlier this year. Coincidently, none of the protests went through Phrummpy regardless of the fact that it occured at the height of the debate on immigration (I wonder why...) Although offenders could be fined up to $50 and sentenced to 30 hours of community service, no provision was given as to how the law was to be enforced, considering the small size of the police force and all the other crime that happens in Pahrump. To sum up the issue however, Jill Murphy of the Pahrump Valley Times wrote:

"There are times rights must be put aside not to invoke hate, discontent or cause riots to the intercity. Those wishing to fly another country's flag most likely never served this nation. Hanging it indoors should suffice. No need to advertise or impress passersby that your nationality its other than American."

Please forgive me but this immigration debate is getting ridiculous! You mean to tell me that in direct defiance of the U.S. Constitution, flying one of these flags is a crime and I might have to do community service because of how I choose to celebrate my heritage?



This woman, and folks like her are advocating the denial of rights to American citizens because they don't like how people use their right of protest, a right as simple as free expression?!?! So I suppose we should deny people the right to write on paper because it was originally made in China, or create an entirely different numerical system because we use Arabic numbers. How about banning gumbo? Why not! Okra originally came from West Africa, and you can't make real gumbo without it- so it makes sense right? Not only is this town's ordinance hypocritical considering that 98% of American citizens originally came from somewhere else, it's just plain ignorant. No one gives two shits about Pahrump, Nevada or the inbred citizens who want this law passed, and hopefully it stays that way. Chances are, the town sheriff would charge anyone for flying one of the above flags with a crime on sight if they don't have the Stars and Stripes with it. What he and other idiots in the town wouldn't realize is that the flags above don't represent other countries, they're the official flags of Denver, Little Rock, Miami and Philadelphia. Leave my civil rights ALONE assholes! What the fuck!


Eyelash Transplants

A couple years ago, J-Lo became the envy of women all over the country with her big, luscious ass. That affinity for her booty became a national obsession and led to a sharp rise in- what else- ass implants! Being the "trendsetters" Americans tend to be, some women felt the need to boost their confidence by putting saline bags in their butts to attract attention to themselves. Hey, it's kinda like weed- if you can't grow it- buy it, right? I thought at the time that it couldn't get any worse than that. But ohhhhho no! What was I thinking? According to Newsweek, eyelash transplants, EYELASHES now- are quickly becoming the next big thing in cosmetic surgery. They take 15-50 hair follicles from the back of the head and implant them into the eyelids of the patient to give them a fuller appearance. Though the procedure was originally meant for burn victims who have had their facial hair singed off, some bright cosmetic surgeon decided to market it to regular folks. The cost: $6000 for both eyelids. One such woman, Aleve Loh a 30-year old from Rock's own Little Veracruz neighborhood of LA, elected to get the surgery and this was her reasoning:

"I'm half Asian and I've got those Asian eyelashes, very short and straight. My best friend always had amazing huge, big eyelashes. I was like 'I want those!'”

Excuse me ladies for what I'm about to say, but someone needs to slap the biiiiyatch silly! Then again, what I just wrote makes no logical sense because she's ALREADY about as sensible as a tube of toothpaste! How immature are we that people envy EYELASHES of all things. C'mon now! I've got a new theory- Americans are officially bored with having money! We've found new ways to waste money that were unheard of just ten years ago, and some of us are more than happy to show the depths of our friviloty. Ten years from now I'll probably write a post about how people are getting surgically installed permanent nail polish and nostril implants. What the fuck!


OJ is back!

OJ Simpson is doing a highly publicized interview on Fox"news" about how he killed.....I mean could have killed his ex-wife and the guy she was bumpin' uglies with.

Three words: Retry his ass!

Damn that double jeopardy rule! He got away with it and now to earn some extra money, he's writing a book about how he "would" have killed them....."if" he had. It's one thing to get away with a crime that you committed, it's something else to talk shit about it- which is essentially what his book is. OJ gets the What the Fuck "Ass of the Year" for this one.


Hey Kid, Got (a) Jesus (doll)?

Toys for Tots got into hot water with conservative Christians for refusing to accept a shipment of 4000 talking Jesus dolls. These dolls come complete with moving arms, legs and head and say biblical passages at the touch of a button giving children a biblical lesson during playtime. According to the toy makers, the dolls are a great way for parents to educate their kids about the Bible as well as a fund raising idea for churches. On the contrary, Toys for Tots was started by the non-religious U.S. Marine Corps in 1947 to give donated toys to needy children around the country during Christmas and it has become the preeminant benevolent charity for its work. Determined not to be outdone by secular benefactors, the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co. and it's subsidiary One2believe decided to donate the 12" dolls (regularly priced at $20) to Toys for Tots, expecting these dolls to be sent out to the masses. Citing a reluctance to offend children of other religions who might receive the gifts, Toys for Tots politely rebuffed the offer, incencing many religious citizens who threatened to stop their donations. Just to fan the flames, MSNBC set up a chat room to get people's reactions to T4T's actions and here is just a sampling:

>If you do not celebrate Christ you are not celebrating Christmas.

>The toys for tots program is not a religious based program and the rejection of talking religious dolls was correct. "Semper Fi"

>"Maybe I missed something here, but...Just how many Christmas presents do you send to Jewish and Muslim kids. Isn't that like the Chinese celebrating Saint Patrick's Day?"

>The first five letters in Christmas is 'Christ'. I hope everyone quits donating to this group. What a Joke!!! These other religions don't celebrate Christmas anyway!!!!!"
(Actually 'Christ' has six letters, but who's counting?- OK sorry, I had to put my imput in real quick on this one!)

>It really is just a subversive way to push religion on children. None of the pro-posters on this page would want their child to receive a Mohammed doll spouting Koran verses.

>Maybe we could send grenade throwing, missle launching, beheading dolls instead. Then no one should be offended.

>Christmas was actually hi-jacked by Christians from the Pagans and many other religions before that (if you knew anything about history).

>"You are an idiot. One toy maker tries to do something nice and because they are religious, you act like this. I believe people need the Lord, you most of all."

Ugh! I wonder sometimes about the people I share my oxygen supply with. The last post says it all really- some folks in the population somehow feel it's their religious duty to smother everyone else with their beliefs. While using benevolence to spread ideology is one of the oldest tricks in the books, regardless of the religion- I have a sneaking suspicion that, true to form, the Teddy Bear company felt compelled to use Toys for Tots to spread their holiday cheer -and their religious ideas. I have no problem with people who go out and prostelytize from the pulpit, on t.v. or even street corners, but using a charity to promote religion to KIDS is ridiculous, irresponsible and shady. In the end, Toys for Tots decided to accept the 4000 dolls after finding a suitable place to send them- and receiving a few death threats from Christian fundamentalists I'm sure. It's interesting that some followers of a man who preached peace, respect and prosperity for everyone- resort to disrespect, intolerance and violence to make a point.

WTFWJD.

The New Drug

Each decade seems to bring our society a new narcotic drug that causes havoc for the peaceful citizens of this nation. The 60's brought us refer, the 70's heroin, the 80's cocaine, and the 90's brought us crack. At the start of the 00's, crystal meth was poised to be the drug of choice but this week, the newest narcotic (a Japanese import at that!) has officially trumped crystal meth as the newest threat to young minds all over this nation for the decade. It's called Sony Playstation 3- also known as PS3, Black animator or Taiwanese sweatshop foolsgold.




It has just been released into the cities and towns of the United States, and it's the most expensive of all the major drugs out there- about $600 a hit- but already it's taking it's first victims:

Connecticut: A man is in stable condition after being shot in the chest and shoulder for not giving up money he had planned to use to purchase some Playstation 3.

Palmdale CA: The local Walmart was SHUT DOWN after a near riot erupted when customers clambered to get them some Playstation 3. As a result of this drug induced stampede, one man dislocated his jaw when he ran into a pole during the melee.

Lexington KY: At the local Best Buy, four people waiting outside to buy some Playstation 3 were grazed in a drive-by shooting as they waited for the store to open.

Englewood OH: Two men in ski masks and sunglasses robbed the EB store of it's stash of Playstation 3. After entering the store at closing time, the two thieves ordered the clerks to the back of the store and made off with the product- a street value of about $3000.

Orlando FL: At the Mall of Millenia, potential buyers were seen hiding in the bushes and under a loading dock the night before PS3 hit the streets in order to be first in line to get their hands on it. After a riot broke out, police escorts had to be called in to protect those who were able to buy Playstation 3. Despite the escort, one man was STILL robbed of his supply after leaving the mall. All this over a VIDEO GAME. What the FUCK!!!!

Nasir, if you EVER stoop so low as to get one of these dangerous new toys.......................

Let me know, I wanna play!