WTF

Yeah, What the FUCK? I wasn't expecting the world to produce two WTFs in one week, but who said it couldn't happen?

Police Brutality

Now I know you all think I'm about to talk about that idiot at the Univerity of Florida who got jacked up by campus cops for talking too much. Nope.



My question is, who wants to hear John "Ketchup" Kerry talk about anything anyway? He didn't have really important shit to say during the election three years ago and he's got even LESS to talk about now. Andrew Meyer deserved an ass kicking just for being there! Shouldn't he be at the local bar instead, watching rugby or something? No, this story is about a grandmother who got fucked up and bloodied for having BROWN GRASS. Apparently, the petentious neighbors of Betty Perry hated her dead grass so much that they called the police on her. Cops showed up to address the issue with her, but ended up beating her ass for not revealing her name, resisting arrest and "failure to maintain her landscaping"- all three of which are misdemeaners. What the fuck! When did having a dead lawn become a damn crime? If that were the case, me, Kiyotoe and a whole bunch of you should be sitting in lock up right now. The ironic thing is that G-ma Betty's water had been shut off for nine months so she couldn't even water her grass if she wanted to! Hell, the country HAS been in a drought for the last few months, maybe she was conserving. Maybe she couldn't afford her water bill. Maybe her neighbors need to get their hoses out and water her grass for her- stuck up bastards.

Unarmed Death

Speaking of cops..... it's a none-too-rare occurence where you hear about them killing an unarmed man somewhere. I don't know why it is that they always manage to shoot some guy who can't shoot back, but they never shoot the dickheads who like to fire bullets into the air on the 4th of July, or the ones who shot a gun last night right down the street from my house! This time however, the unarmed man gets his revenge. Yesterday, a semi-famous artist by the name of William "Rusty" Redfern head-butted his girlfriend's ex during a dispute in Snellville, Ga (yes that's close to Atlanta). One can only assume that the ex was jealous and confronted ole Rusty who defended himself the best way he could when he felt threatened. The rival, Charles Teer later complained of a headache and dizzyness, passed out and eventually died. I suppose if you're unarmed, you use what you can and Rusty literally "used his head" to escape the situation. Well, he had to- he was born without arms! (get it? He was "unarmed"!!! OK tacky, I know. Read on!) What the fuck! The fact that Rusty was born without arms and he's become an artist is impressive enough, BUT he was smooth enough to steal another guy's woman AND kill him in a street fight. That shit puts Flavor of Love AND UFC to shame! I suppose my ego would be a little crushed too, but some things you just gotta let go. I'm sure though that Charles thought he'd be able to kick Rusty's ass just because the guy had no arms- boy was he wrong!

Sissy Shameful Shawn Hannity

Speaking of shame.....It's a rare day that I sit and watch Fox"news". Usually I turn to it as a passing curiosity to see what madness they are spewing just so I can chuckle at the occasional ridiculousness. For instance, last week during their Bulls and Bears report with a panel of four stock market wizards, they cut the screen in half and had the panel talking on one side and old footage of Osama bin Laden on the other. I wondered why it was neccesary to do that considering that "Osama's" new video and Wall Street are ummm NOT related, but I'm absolutely sure there's no subliminal message going on to make it's viewers even MORE paranoid *wink, wink*. Anyway, last night I found myself watching Hannity and Colmes and they had Rev. Al "the Perm" Sharpton on. Well, as the interview was wrapping up, Sharpton asked Shawn Hannity (who looks like he should be on the cover of "Closeted Beef Magazine" whether he supported releasing the Jena 6- the Black kids in Louisianna who were charged with attempted murder for a schoolyard fight with a White student. All of a sudden, Hannity can't hear the question and pretends to have technical difficulties. He then says, as he points that condescending finger at the camera, "I believe that they deserve justice! They should be locked away forever. They kept that poor woman locked up in their house and tortured her and they deserve whatever comes to them." Uh yeah, what the fuck- wrong news story asshole! Amid the strange looks from Sharpton and Colmes, he still professed that he couldn't hear- rather than admitting that he didn't know what Sharpton was talking about. You can't be a damn bulldog on screen and then use technical excuses to cover up your idiocy. That's why Shawn Hannity gets my Bitch of the Day award.

Are you God? Sir, you've been served.

Nebraska is famously known for a few things, corn, corn, corn, corn, football and it apparently has some stank ass water, or so I'm told. The doledrums of the fields and polluted H2O might help explain why Ernie Chambers, a state congressman (that's him, on the job, in congressional session, in the pink t-shirt rather than a suit and tie) decided to sue GOD of all people in order to make him "cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats." What the Fuck??? His point is that anyone can sue anyone for anything, so why not sue God? Seems logical to me...except the fact that someone has to deliver the court summons to him in person....sooooo.....who's volunteering to do the job? Wouldn't that person have to ummmm, DIE in order to take the message to the next world? I guess he could ask some Talibani suicide bomber do pass the note for him in the event they really DO have 79 virgins waiting for them upon detonation, right? Then again, he could technically sue anyone just claiming to be the Almighty- and considering the whacked out mindstate they'd be in anyway, he might actually get a judgement in his favor! Some religions have multiple gods sooooo how many summons need to be written up? You can't discriminate in a situation like this so, Vishnu, Allah, Jehovah, Zeus, Mother Earth and Eric Clapton- all of you need to be present at your court appointed time or else some serious shit is going down in the Heavens. The Nebraska governor is sending the National Guard and he means business!!! I mean really, what do you tell God that he doesn't know already? If he's as omnipotent as everyone says he is, he's already got his defense and cross examination ready for that ASS! In fact, he can badger the witnesses all he wants- who's gonna stop him? I'm not the one to acknowledge or deny the existance of God for anyone, but if he DOES exist, I'd hate to be that court appointed official to use a tazer just because God has been found in contempt of court for acting a complete fool in front of the judge. What bailiff is gonna slap handcuffs on God without getting a royal ass kickin' up in the process? (Damn, anyone know the number to MadTV? That would be one funny ass sketch!)