Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Monday, July 30, 2007

Summer "break"-ins

I didn't even realize it but it's been well over a month since my last post and apparently I've been missed! I'd like to start this post by quoting from the Good Book, Woozie Chapter 7 verse 27:

"Man, you're a teacher. How much work could you possibly be doing during the summer?" (referring to my lack of posting.)

Well, to put it bluntly, this summer has been CRAZY as hell- and to answer the question, WORK is all I've been doing this summer. Normally I take it easy over the summer because after 10 grueling months with loud, bad ass, disrespectful children, I NEED two months of mind numbing boredom to get prepared for the school year to come. God was not smiling on me this summer of 2007 however, and I've got pictures to prove it! Instead, (s)he gave me an old fashioned dose of "Idontgiveyoumorethanyoucanhandle", maybe as a test of fortitude or possibly karmic revenge for stealing condoms from 7-11 when I was 17. Who knows, but as I write this, my summer "break" is quickly coming to a close, and the 07/08 school year will be commencing August 6th. Uhhh yeah, that is a week from now....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!

So in the artistic exhibitionist stylings of one Eyechan the Great , (who is one of very few people who make me jealous) I give you the pictorial depiction of:

The Summer Break That Wasn't.

But first, a little background....

In April, Michelle, Naimah and I moved in with Michelle's sister Melanie who live in the 'burbs- and I HATE the 'burbs. We had to make room for renters in the house we were moving from and prepare to move into the "new" house that we were in the process of buying.

This is the pretty brick house we were only a rat dick away from buying:

BUT part of the ceiling fell during the inspection which caused the entire deal to fall through due to all the repairs that needed to be made....so Senor Paz had to spend the summer working on his knees.....

....Laying TILE you nasty bastards! Jeez, what kind of guy do you think I am? Since we didn't want to overstay our welcome at Melanie's house and the fact that Michelle's other daughter and my nieces and nephew were coming to stay with us in July, we had to come up with a secondary plan to accommodate all these people. So as soon as school was over in late May, I got to work for six weeks remodeling the kitchen and bathroom in the house Kiyotoe and I bought way back in 2000. This place.

At least we wouldn't be homeless anymore, and we'd have room for everyone to sleep. I had done only one tile project before but I wanted to try my hand at some more challenging stuff, so with a little occasional help from a few friends (Kiyotoe, The Counselor and Nizzle) here's what I came up with:

New tiled kitchen floor.

New cabinets, sink, tiled counter tops, and tiled backsplash, paint (by The Counselor).

New bathroom vanity, tiled walls, paint (by The Counselor)

The tub and tiled surround.

Side wall of the tub surround.

Yeah, that's a whole lot of tiling!!!! I ain't no punk now, but this house kicked my ASS! My body was sore for a week, my hands especially- which made masterbation an adventure. I wish I could show you what the "before" pictures looked like (the house, not my penis), but trust me, the little sweat equity I put into the project went an LONG way. I actually impressed myself, which is hard to do considering my humility.

Now, right as my month and a half long project was close to completion we began moving our personal stuff into the house. A week later, some muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead asshole broke in and took my power tools! THEN he came back the next night and made off with some of our possessions- tools, my trumpet, clothes etc. He even opened a jar of peanut butter, dug his nasty fingers in it and ate some, leaving the opened jar on the floor!!! And if that wasn't bad enough, as if that wasn't insulting enough, he left these neatly by the fireplace:

My shoes! But as you can plainly see, they're both missing the LEFT ONES!!! So if you see a suave lookin' homeless guy on the corner playing a flugelhorn and standing on two crusty left feet, kick him in the balls for me for stealing my shit!

A week later, the kids arrived- and apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. Aside from my own daughter, we took on THREE MORE kids for a couple weeks.

My little girl Naimah or "Juicy" as people call her. Don't let the big cheeks and innocent eyes fool you. She's a beast and she'd probably eat your hand off if you left it in front or her.

Tre "Day" watching t.v. and oblivious to the world around him. His favorite response to any explanation you give is, "But why?" so you can imagine how long our conversations get.

Kalani "Wannie" doing her favorite past time. I think she would have slept the whole summer away if someone hadn't woke her up. Funny, her mom used to do the same thing!

Chanelle "la Belle" who is five, looks eight and LOVES attention. If I hear the word "uncle" one more time, I'll jump out the window! I'll sell all four of them for $20 bucks! Any takers? Alright, I'll take 15, but you have to buy all the toys!

We've been taking these kids all over the place, the zoo, the park, restaurants, ice cream, Maxfun (an indoor amusement park), the water park etc., but in order to transport all the children around town, my brother in-law Art left his prized extra large Ford Expedition for us to use.

As he handed over the keys, his biggest concern that was someone would break in and try stealing it. Well.......guess what happened last week....

If you said, "Some muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead asshole broke into the truck and tried to steal it" you've won yourself a bathtub full of loud kids!!! Congratulations! Prize is available for immediate pickup.

So now they have to replace the window and repair the steering column because the punkass wasn't skilled enough to do the job and take the truck outright. At least Art would have been able to get rid of the gas guzzler and get a rental car for a month from the insurance company. Surprisingly, he took it better than I did and took it stride. I, on the other hand was PISSED- three break-ins over a one month period, busting up shit that's not even mine! Too much for me to handle......bitches.

Well, tomorrow, the kids are going back to their parents, Naimah's going to see her G-Ma, G-Pa, Nana, and Uncle Q in Denver for a week and I FINALLY get to do what I wanted to do all summer- NOTHING. I only have 6 days, but everyday, I'm pledging to sit on my ass, rub my balls, watch Sportcenter and drink beer.

So Woozie, there you have it- a perfectly good explanation for my lack of attendance in the blogosphere. I promise you though, next summer will be different as I plan to sit on my ass, rub my balls and drink beer in some other country. At least that's my hope.