Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Monday, July 30, 2007

Summer "break"-ins

I didn't even realize it but it's been well over a month since my last post and apparently I've been missed! I'd like to start this post by quoting from the Good Book, Woozie Chapter 7 verse 27:

"Man, you're a teacher. How much work could you possibly be doing during the summer?" (referring to my lack of posting.)

Well, to put it bluntly, this summer has been CRAZY as hell- and to answer the question, WORK is all I've been doing this summer. Normally I take it easy over the summer because after 10 grueling months with loud, bad ass, disrespectful children, I NEED two months of mind numbing boredom to get prepared for the school year to come. God was not smiling on me this summer of 2007 however, and I've got pictures to prove it! Instead, (s)he gave me an old fashioned dose of "Idontgiveyoumorethanyoucanhandle", maybe as a test of fortitude or possibly karmic revenge for stealing condoms from 7-11 when I was 17. Who knows, but as I write this, my summer "break" is quickly coming to a close, and the 07/08 school year will be commencing August 6th. Uhhh yeah, that is a week from now....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!

So in the artistic exhibitionist stylings of one Eyechan the Great , (who is one of very few people who make me jealous) I give you the pictorial depiction of:

The Summer Break That Wasn't.

But first, a little background....

In April, Michelle, Naimah and I moved in with Michelle's sister Melanie who live in the 'burbs- and I HATE the 'burbs. We had to make room for renters in the house we were moving from and prepare to move into the "new" house that we were in the process of buying.

This is the pretty brick house we were only a rat dick away from buying:

BUT part of the ceiling fell during the inspection which caused the entire deal to fall through due to all the repairs that needed to be made....so Senor Paz had to spend the summer working on his knees.....

....Laying TILE you nasty bastards! Jeez, what kind of guy do you think I am? Since we didn't want to overstay our welcome at Melanie's house and the fact that Michelle's other daughter and my nieces and nephew were coming to stay with us in July, we had to come up with a secondary plan to accommodate all these people. So as soon as school was over in late May, I got to work for six weeks remodeling the kitchen and bathroom in the house Kiyotoe and I bought way back in 2000. This place.

At least we wouldn't be homeless anymore, and we'd have room for everyone to sleep. I had done only one tile project before but I wanted to try my hand at some more challenging stuff, so with a little occasional help from a few friends (Kiyotoe, The Counselor and Nizzle) here's what I came up with:

New tiled kitchen floor.

New cabinets, sink, tiled counter tops, and tiled backsplash, paint (by The Counselor).

New bathroom vanity, tiled walls, paint (by The Counselor)

The tub and tiled surround.

Side wall of the tub surround.

Yeah, that's a whole lot of tiling!!!! I ain't no punk now, but this house kicked my ASS! My body was sore for a week, my hands especially- which made masterbation an adventure. I wish I could show you what the "before" pictures looked like (the house, not my penis), but trust me, the little sweat equity I put into the project went an LONG way. I actually impressed myself, which is hard to do considering my humility.

Now, right as my month and a half long project was close to completion we began moving our personal stuff into the house. A week later, some muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead asshole broke in and took my power tools! THEN he came back the next night and made off with some of our possessions- tools, my trumpet, clothes etc. He even opened a jar of peanut butter, dug his nasty fingers in it and ate some, leaving the opened jar on the floor!!! And if that wasn't bad enough, as if that wasn't insulting enough, he left these neatly by the fireplace:

My shoes! But as you can plainly see, they're both missing the LEFT ONES!!! So if you see a suave lookin' homeless guy on the corner playing a flugelhorn and standing on two crusty left feet, kick him in the balls for me for stealing my shit!

A week later, the kids arrived- and apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. Aside from my own daughter, we took on THREE MORE kids for a couple weeks.

My little girl Naimah or "Juicy" as people call her. Don't let the big cheeks and innocent eyes fool you. She's a beast and she'd probably eat your hand off if you left it in front or her.

Tre "Day" watching t.v. and oblivious to the world around him. His favorite response to any explanation you give is, "But why?" so you can imagine how long our conversations get.

Kalani "Wannie" doing her favorite past time. I think she would have slept the whole summer away if someone hadn't woke her up. Funny, her mom used to do the same thing!

Chanelle "la Belle" who is five, looks eight and LOVES attention. If I hear the word "uncle" one more time, I'll jump out the window! I'll sell all four of them for $20 bucks! Any takers? Alright, I'll take 15, but you have to buy all the toys!

We've been taking these kids all over the place, the zoo, the park, restaurants, ice cream, Maxfun (an indoor amusement park), the water park etc., but in order to transport all the children around town, my brother in-law Art left his prized extra large Ford Expedition for us to use.

As he handed over the keys, his biggest concern that was someone would break in and try stealing it. Well.......guess what happened last week....

If you said, "Some muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead asshole broke into the truck and tried to steal it" you've won yourself a bathtub full of loud kids!!! Congratulations! Prize is available for immediate pickup.

So now they have to replace the window and repair the steering column because the punkass wasn't skilled enough to do the job and take the truck outright. At least Art would have been able to get rid of the gas guzzler and get a rental car for a month from the insurance company. Surprisingly, he took it better than I did and took it stride. I, on the other hand was PISSED- three break-ins over a one month period, busting up shit that's not even mine! Too much for me to handle......bitches.

Well, tomorrow, the kids are going back to their parents, Naimah's going to see her G-Ma, G-Pa, Nana, and Uncle Q in Denver for a week and I FINALLY get to do what I wanted to do all summer- NOTHING. I only have 6 days, but everyday, I'm pledging to sit on my ass, rub my balls, watch Sportcenter and drink beer.

So Woozie, there you have it- a perfectly good explanation for my lack of attendance in the blogosphere. I promise you though, next summer will be different as I plan to sit on my ass, rub my balls and drink beer in some other country. At least that's my hope.


Anonymous Slick said...

Dude, that's some bad luck all the way around! Hate that about your car!

I will say though, you did a damn fine job on the tile.

Welcome back and maybe, just maybe....the kids won't give you so much hell this coming up year

Mon Jul 30, 07:14:00 PM

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

I'm crushed brother. Absolutely crushed. You know i'm not the big praying, churchy cat but while we were at the reunion surrounded by my super duper churchy family members, i had to sneak in a prayer for you brother cuz i was hurt when i saw that damn smashed window.

Umm....how's my car?

Tue Jul 31, 01:52:00 AM

Blogger Woozie said...

Jeez, what kind of guy do you think I am?

Well, if you ever wanna experiment I can hook you up with some people.

I wish I could show you what the "before" pictures looked like (the house, not my penis)

What's the matter? Afraid? Holla at a chicken...

muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead asshole

Could he have been a muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead pedophile asshole? This is why guns are a good thing, we ain't never been robbed (well one time some muthafuckin, no good, toothless, crackhead asshole stole my bike but it was a pos anyway).

...a bathtub full of loud kids!!!

Man, what you doin? You postin' a bathtub fulla naked kids online? You want that pedo crackhead back, don't you? ;)

Tue Jul 31, 06:01:00 AM

Blogger magdalene-sophie said...

your children are so sweet! :))

Tue Jul 31, 06:04:00 AM

Blogger Nicole said...

Glad to see you are still alive and kicking!

Sorry to hear about the breakins...that's tough.

However, the house renos look great! Congratulations on a great job!

All the children are so sweet and beautiful, but your daughter is FREAKINGADORABLE!!!!!

Ps. I'll overlook the Third Eye Trashtalk!!! ;-)

Pps. How, do you ever start school early!!! My kids go back August 29th

Tue Jul 31, 10:07:00 AM

Blogger Nicole said...

oh yeah...I should tag you for the music meme...I recall a8 items tag from YOU!!! :)

Tue Jul 31, 10:08:00 AM

Blogger notfearingchange said...

I'm not sure does your summer suck or mine...
tie dude tie...

Good luck with the next 6 days...careful however! You do not want to have TOO much fun! ;oP

Nice to have you back.

Tue Jul 31, 08:20:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Slickster- Yeah, it was a bit rough, BUT it always gets better eventually. Thanks for the compliment on the tile. It was hard work, but definitely worth it.

Kiyotoe- I was about to sell your car on EBAY considering you didn't tell me when ya'll were coming to get it, but you made it back in time.

Woozie- No experimentation needed, my kneepads are for tiling ONLY! No shame in my penis either, I'm quite modest. I thought the pics of the kids was cute! Luckily we didn't have any laptops in the house or else that crackhead WOULD have been able to see the pics. Did you ever get yourself a new bike?

Magdalene- Thank you. I worked hard to get some good looking children, although I can only claim credit for one.

Nic- you know I can't stay away for too long! It's good to be back, lets just hope I can be consistent. Thanks to you, I have my new topic!

No fear- At least your summer started with a vacation to Cali before all the madness started. Have you found a new place?

Wed Aug 01, 03:52:00 PM

Blogger Woozie said...

Yes I did but it rusted to oblivion long ago. And then we sold it.

Wed Aug 01, 04:01:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Nic (again) - I almost forgot, we go back Monday, the 6th and the kids are back on the 13th. I am not ready at all!!

Wed Aug 01, 04:10:00 PM

Anonymous pigeontoes said...

rough, man. rough.

but you have the cutest kid. that face makes everything better.

and you have skills, man!

Wed Aug 01, 08:45:00 PM

Blogger eyechan said...

nice work with the tiles. hope thats the last of the break-ins!

Thu Aug 02, 12:23:00 AM

Blogger Natalie said...

That is a bummer of a summer but it made for good blogging. The tile looks fantastic. I am particularly in love with the bathtub.

Fri Aug 03, 11:19:00 AM

Blogger The Counselor said...

Oh Paz...

You did a fabulous job...you made us proud. Thanks for allowing me to help you with "the vision"...LOL


I apologize for Kiyotoe's uncontrolled aggression...he'll pay you back for the tiles he broke in Coronas.

Fri Aug 17, 06:27:00 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home