My New Hero
Deborah Jeane Palfrey is my new hero. If you have no idea who she is, you need to pick up a newspaper or read any news outlet online and you'll see she's doing something unprecedented- holding the most powerful men in the country by the balls- literally! You see, Ms. Palfrey, (I call her DJ, we go way back) is the most powerful person in Washington right now. Normally that honor would go to the President, but we know what a great "leader" he's been over the last few years so he's eliminated automatically. Anyway, DJ is now known as the infamous "D.C. Madam" because of a high priced brothel she's been accused of running over the last ten years or so in the nation's capital. I know what you're thinking, So she ran a prostitution ring in D.C., big deal! - right. But oooh no, this goes much deeper than that because, you see, this brothel catered to a certain clientele- folks in the federal government. You know, the same, lame-duck jackasses who spy on us, take our taxes and create laws to dictate how we live our private lives....yeah, them!
For the past week, she's been wrangling with lawyers and prosecutors in an attempt to weasel her way out of jail time by threatening to release her "black book"- said to contain the names and numbers of thousands of Washington's elite politicians and government officials. Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias has already resigned his post after being implicated in the "scandal" and it's sure to produce more resignations upon release. I'm not into celebrity gossip at all, but I'm lickin' my chops to see who's going down this time! Roll call!
Now, we all know how manipulative some women can be at times, but she might take the cake. Check out the balls on this chick!
DJ is using her moment of spotlight and "find witnesses" to testify on her behalf that she didn't engage in the prostitution business. In other words, she's trying to get her former clients to testify in court that they themselves weren't johns and the ladies hired to service them as "escorts" and "masseuses" weren't hookers. Hmmm- if it smells like bullshit and it looks like bullshit, then you must be paying for sex!!! It seems to me that she's doing her best Nino Brown impression- "If I'm going down, I'm taking everyone down with me!" ("going down" get it?!?!) -and it's working to her advantage!
But here's the kicker-
She has the nerve to say that because of the high profile nature of the case and the high profile people involved that the court should allocate $500,000 to her defense fund! I wouldn't be surprised if she actually gets her former clients to foot the bill just so she'll keep their names under wraps. Though it seems a little shady that she's now blackmailing the people who kept her lights on just to avoid prison, it's a very smart move considering that the folks who want her in prison have friends who are on the list- or they're actually on the list themselves! What's most amazing about this whole defense is that it might actually work! Fuck 'em silly, take their money and then pressure them to bail you out- or ELSE. Well, it'll either work in her favor or she'll be found floating face down in the Potomac River.....You don't fuck with folks in the government unless you can live to tell your grandkids about it.
This whole thing is going to be hilarious! I'm just waiting for the Senate hearing where the interrogation by a sweaty Arlen Spector goes like this:
Arlen Spector: So Ms. Palfrey, what kinds of services did your company provide?
DJ: Whatever the client asked for.
AS: Can you describe some services that were rendered?
DJ: Are you sure you want me to do that?
AS: Why of course, the American people want to know!
DJ: Well, remember that time you asked us for a small boy in a Boy Scout uniform to stomp on your balls and we told you we only hire adult women? Or the time you asked for a Dirty Sanchez?
AS: Uhhhh Ms. Palfrey.... (hand over the microphone) ....didn't you get my check?
DJ: I don't recall....
AS: No further questions.
Maybe it's just the fact that I love to see the underdawg take out the big dawg. This demure, bespeckled lady is taking on the gubment and actually has a plan to win- or at least get off ("get off"...get it?!?!). Or maybe it's the fact that there's a bunch of crusty men and maybe a few crusty women, pissing themselves silly with fear that they'll be found out as "frauds" and forced to vacate their positions of power. Then again, I'm sure more than a few paid good money to get pissed on (ewww), but I digress ....You would think that these dummies would have pushed their friends in congress to legalize prostitution outright by now (as it should be) so that they wouldn't have to deal with any backlash, but I guess they're not THAT smart are they. Stay tuned....I am.