Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

My New Hero

Deborah Jeane Palfrey is my new hero. If you have no idea who she is, you need to pick up a newspaper or read any news outlet online and you'll see she's doing something unprecedented- holding the most powerful men in the country by the balls- literally! You see, Ms. Palfrey, (I call her DJ, we go way back) is the most powerful person in Washington right now. Normally that honor would go to the President, but we know what a great "leader" he's been over the last few years so he's eliminated automatically. Anyway, DJ is now known as the infamous "D.C. Madam" because of a high priced brothel she's been accused of running over the last ten years or so in the nation's capital. I know what you're thinking, So she ran a prostitution ring in D.C., big deal! - right. But oooh no, this goes much deeper than that because, you see, this brothel catered to a certain clientele- folks in the federal government. You know, the same, lame-duck jackasses who spy on us, take our taxes and create laws to dictate how we live our private lives....yeah, them!

For the past week, she's been wrangling with lawyers and prosecutors in an attempt to weasel her way out of jail time by threatening to release her "black book"- said to contain the names and numbers of thousands of Washington's elite politicians and government officials. Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias has already resigned his post after being implicated in the "scandal" and it's sure to produce more resignations upon release. I'm not into celebrity gossip at all, but I'm lickin' my chops to see who's going down this time! Roll call!

Now, we all know how manipulative some women can be at times, but she might take the cake. Check out the balls on this chick!

DJ is using her moment of spotlight and "find witnesses" to testify on her behalf that she didn't engage in the prostitution business. In other words, she's trying to get her former clients to testify in court that they themselves weren't johns and the ladies hired to service them as "escorts" and "masseuses" weren't hookers. Hmmm- if it smells like bullshit and it looks like bullshit, then you must be paying for sex!!! It seems to me that she's doing her best Nino Brown impression- "If I'm going down, I'm taking everyone down with me!" ("going down" get it?!?!) -and it's working to her advantage!

But here's the kicker-

She has the nerve to say that because of the high profile nature of the case and the high profile people involved that the court should allocate $500,000 to her defense fund! I wouldn't be surprised if she actually gets her former clients to foot the bill just so she'll keep their names under wraps. Though it seems a little shady that she's now blackmailing the people who kept her lights on just to avoid prison, it's a very smart move considering that the folks who want her in prison have friends who are on the list- or they're actually on the list themselves! What's most amazing about this whole defense is that it might actually work! Fuck 'em silly, take their money and then pressure them to bail you out- or ELSE. Well, it'll either work in her favor or she'll be found floating face down in the Potomac River.....You don't fuck with folks in the government unless you can live to tell your grandkids about it.

This whole thing is going to be hilarious! I'm just waiting for the Senate hearing where the interrogation by a sweaty Arlen Spector goes like this:

Arlen Spector: So Ms. Palfrey, what kinds of services did your company provide?

DJ: Whatever the client asked for.

AS: Can you describe some services that were rendered?

DJ: Are you sure you want me to do that?

AS: Why of course, the American people want to know!

DJ: Well, remember that time you asked us for a small boy in a Boy Scout uniform to stomp on your balls and we told you we only hire adult women? Or the time you asked for a Dirty Sanchez?

AS: Uhhhh Ms. Palfrey.... (hand over the microphone) ....didn't you get my check?

DJ: I don't recall....

AS: No further questions.

Maybe it's just the fact that I love to see the underdawg take out the big dawg. This demure, bespeckled lady is taking on the gubment and actually has a plan to win- or at least get off ("get off"...get it?!?!). Or maybe it's the fact that there's a bunch of crusty men and maybe a few crusty women, pissing themselves silly with fear that they'll be found out as "frauds" and forced to vacate their positions of power. Then again, I'm sure more than a few paid good money to get pissed on (ewww), but I digress ....You would think that these dummies would have pushed their friends in congress to legalize prostitution outright by now (as it should be) so that they wouldn't have to deal with any backlash, but I guess they're not THAT smart are they. Stay tuned....I am.


Blogger Woozie said...

What in the FUCK is that blurry naked white man bullshit?

Tue May 01, 02:48:00 PM

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

i'm with lil' brother.....what in the fuck was that???


Tue May 01, 03:23:00 PM

Blogger Raspootin said...

One of the most entertaining posts I have read (looked at) in a long time.


Tue May 01, 09:02:00 PM

Blogger Anne said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it when that happens!

Wed May 02, 11:12:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Wed May 02, 12:21:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Wooz/Kiy- You don't know who that is?!?! That is your former deputy secretary of state Randall Tobias- well sorta. It's his face over some nekkid Joe's blurry penis. I know you were expecting tits and all, but that wouldn't fit the story all that well now would it. Regardless, you two need to read the newspaper more often so you know who these important figures are in the gubment! I just hope the Dick and the Bush are on the list as well!

Ras- Welcome and I hope to edutain you more in the future!

Anne- I think the shit is about to hit the fan, unless the fan hits the DC Madam first. Hell, I'd join her security detail just to help make sure the whole story gets out.

Wed May 02, 12:25:00 PM

Blogger Woozie said...

Why you gotta put old bald nekkid white guy in my mind?!?

Anyway, the "I don't recall..." was funny, and being a mere 15 miles from D.C. I'm up to date on this stuff.

Wed May 02, 06:15:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Clearly, "I don't recall" is the most famously overused phrase in Senate hearings. I just wish that one bold asshole would say "Yeah muthafucka I did it! I got immunity so what now biyathch!" That would be beautiful!

Thu May 03, 04:54:00 AM

Blogger Woozie said...

Oh like that episode of Chappelle's Show with the two legal systems where the crack dealer said "One, tow, three, four....FIF!" and held a sign saying "I plead tha FIF!"

Thu May 03, 05:33:00 PM

Blogger Sarge Charlie said...

FYI, I took your comment and made it into a post.

Thu May 03, 08:08:00 PM

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

"the fizziff"!

i read the newspaper everyday son!
where's my niece dammit??!!

Fri May 04, 07:12:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Wooz- Exactly like Chapelle show! That sketch was brilliant!

Kiy- Yo neice is at home, where I'm about to be. You'll see her tomorrow when she's biting the hibachi chef's arms

Fri May 04, 01:02:00 PM

Blogger Sarge Charlie said...

ok, I took another bit out of the apple

Fri May 04, 05:30:00 PM

Blogger Ellie said...

Watched the 20/20 segment and they said there were no real important DC officials or members of congress and such on the list. I think that the people hurt by this the most are the woment that worked for her. I hope she gets let go, I mean she had a legal contract signed by all employees, so where is the proof she had knowledge?

I heard she is putting the list on ebay.

Mon May 07, 07:01:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Aha! So no "important" names are on the list eh? That might lend some creedence to my notion that she might actually be getting paid off! Putting it on ebay would be the icing on the cake. There'd be a bidding war between the folks who want to see the list go public and the folks who want to keep the list private. Now you see why she's my hero!

Mon May 07, 12:15:00 PM

Blogger eyechan said...

i hope nobody in this internet cafe glanced at my screen while i was reading that post. how embarrassment.

Thu May 10, 09:34:00 AM


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