Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Old at 30 (almost 31)

When I was as kid, I used to be afraid of death. Not the "I'm scared of the Great Beyond" fear, but rather, I had a fear of the manner in which I would die. Considering that there are approximately 8 million ways to end life as we know it, it's fair to say that I was afraid of just about everything at some point- walking across the street, electricity, dogs, food, the sun, water- you get the idea. I was convinced that I was a shoe-in to die a premature death, that I'd be lucky in fact to hit 21. No I didn't grow up in some gangland, drug infested neighborhood where the life expectancy for young Black males was 18, but for whatever reason I thought that I'd be a prime candidate for a body bag way before my time. Birthdays weren't cause to celebrate, they just represented a year closer to "The Dreaded End!" I even had dreams that I was at my own funeral, in middle school! Senior Citizen? Not me! Luckily I got out of that obsessive compulsive phase pretty early on, realizing that eventually death would become us all and it was nothing to fear- regardless of the vehicle.

Pragmatism, I called it.

Somehow I made it to 25 and that fear of death had all but disappeared, but THEN I realized that at 25 (and a day), I was closer to 30 than I was to 20. Oh shit... That brought on a whole new set of concerns- the dreaded NEXT STEP- marriage, kids, career (as opposed to "job"), mortgage, insurance, taxes....taxes....death...taxes....death....taxes. Once I got that under control (or so I tell myself), the age of 30 rolls around, and I one day, I wake up and realize....

.....wait I'm an ADULT! A-D-U-L-T. What happened?

What happened was I started getting "old"- the one thing I never thought would occur. Old in my thoughts, old in my actions, old in my body. Me and Kiyotoe have joked about being old since we were 21. Yeah imagine that, two kids JUST out of teenagerdom talking about, "Man we're gettin' old...." If I could go back in time to Clark Atlanta University circa 1997, I'd slap the shit out of both of us- twice.....

...Because NOW we're O-L-D.





I'm approximately two weeks away from 31 (Kiyotoe- a month and two weeks- he's an old fart too), which means now I'm closer to 40 than I am to 20 and I've had a few recent experiences in the last month or so to drive that point home, again and again. So now I present to you (begrudgingly...)

You know you're old at 30 when....

(sigh)

You know you're old at 30 when....

...you watch NBA highlights on SportsCenter and think to yourself, "I remember when this guy was drafted!" and now he's a COACH.

...you care how your jacked up, uncut, dirt patch, crabgrass and weed havin' yard looks to the neighbors.

...you're watching a porn and don't recognize the actors, but you recognize the room, the paintings and even the ugly furniture from a completely different flick.

...your knees ache when it's cold outside, but yet, you let the house STAY cold as shit on the inside because you fear what the ridiculous bill will look like if you turn on the heat.

...you feel the pinch in your pocket when the national economy takes a hit and pray to God that it doesn't get worse.

...you start watching DIY shows on the DIY network- not to get home improvement tips but for entertainment.

...you realize that you're no longer the youngest person among the faculty at school. And to make it worse, THE youngest people among the faculty were still in high school when you started teaching!

...you find yourself watching music videos and getting the urge to scream, "Get some balls you sissy whiny bastard!".

...you wake up at 7am, on a Saturday, and call yourself "sleeping in".

...you and your boys debate politics, social topics, education and talk about life at home instead of talking about women and sports.

...you wear yourself out, trying to wear out your hyperactive daughter.

...your 4th grade students use their own cell phones to call their parents rather than asking to go to the office to use the phone there.

...all the noisy toys around the house make you want to jump out the window and run down the street butt-ass-nekkid when they go off, but you understand why they are a necessary evil and tolerate it.

...almost all your boys from high school are married and even the one who was last to FINALLY get laid has a kid. By the way K-dawg, thanks for (not) calling me back! I had to listen to your message 10 times before I understood what you were saying. Congratulations!



...after watching Sponge Bob for the first time, you finally realize why your students are saying "Oh barnacles!"


...after watching Sponge Bob for the first time, you realize that your old outdated, dull-looking cartoons are SO much better than this shit the kids are watching today.


...you turn the volume on the tv all the way down during commercials.


...you end your online chess game prematurely when all hope is lost rather than allowing your opponent to make the ten more moves necessary for checkmate. (Nick!)


...someone mentions that they want to go to the strip club for their birthday and you voluntarily pass, not for monetary reasons, but because "Strip clubs don't do it for me anymore..."


...you listen to NPR's "Morning Edition" on your way to work and run the risk of getting stuck in traffic rather than endure all the bullshit on the local radio stations and get the traffic report.


...your younger sister is hitting the big 3-0 this year (he he he)


...you tell a misbehaving kid in your class, "Get yourself together or else I'll call your dad. Don't make me dial the seven digits." ...and then some other kid walks up to you and whispers in your ear, "Uhhh Mr. Rahmaan, it's ten digits...."


C'mon you thirty-somethings, tell me why YOU feel old....

23 Comments:

Blogger Woozie said...

I'm not 30 but I feel old because I don't watch American Idol. Everyone my phukking age watches damn Amerikkkan Idol...commies.

Mon Mar 19, 08:32:00 AM

 
Anonymous risa said...

oh gosh, where to start?
-a song comes on the radio that was one of your favorites from high school and the teenager sitting next to you refers to it as an "oldie"
-the gray hairs on your head start multiplying exponentially
-your husband's sense of humor starts becomes increasingly wholesome
-you have to leave a rock concert early because the music is too loud and the room is too hot
-you openly discuss your bowl movements with your friends

Mon Mar 19, 09:18:00 AM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Wooz- Amerikkkan Idol is exactly what is wrong with the music these days. But I have a feeling that is not what makes you old. You're really 42 in a 16/17 year old body

Risa- Oh lord! Bowel movements? I haven't gotten there just yet, but I feel you.

Mon Mar 19, 09:29:00 AM

 
Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Maaaaaan, this is just depressing. Why would you post this? You know I can add to the list for days and days. How about these.....You know you're Gettin' old at 30 when....

--you keep a bottle of water beside the bed in case you need a swig in the middle of the night.

--you NEVER finish watching a DVD if you started it anytime after 10 p.m.

--you're 6 years older than your parents were when your little brother was born!

--when you use to beg your brother to walk to the girl's dorm with you and now you beg him to babysit your niece!

--when being at home alone isn't boring anymore, now it's a vacation!

--you drive through your old college campus and realize everyone is looking at you like you're an old dirty man.

See? It never stops brotha. That's all she wrote for us. Old at 30.....my fault, Old at 31!

Mon Mar 19, 02:14:00 PM

 
Blogger Natalie said...

Ok wow, I'm nearing 30 and am scared out of my mind. However, some of those things rang true for me also. Crap.

Mon Mar 19, 03:15:00 PM

 
Blogger eyechan said...

i turn 26 this year and like Natalie i can already relate to some of these things. actually i can relate to a lot of 'em:) think of how we'll feel when we get to 50! personally, im aiming for 100. can't imagine how i'll look at things then.

Mon Mar 19, 07:00:00 PM

 
Anonymous deslily said...

so.. you think your old at 31???!! GOOD GRIEF PAZ!

since I am a few years PAST that age (ok stop laughing) all I have to say is:

YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET!

get real! your 30's and 40's are the best! (for real!) however, after that you are on the fast track downhill! get ready, you can't avoid it!

ps re: comment on my blog
I lived in CA 10 yrs and loved it..well.. except for the earthquake..lived in fla for 13 yrs..if you like the snow and cold I advise you to move back there now because when you DO get old... the heat is a welcome friend!

here's one for you..
You know your old when: your wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

Tue Mar 20, 05:49:00 AM

 
Blogger magdalene-sophie said...

LOL!
i guess im the only 'young' one in this commenting space, who's not even 20 yet :P

engage and indulge in whatever age you are now. time will never come back, so why think about the past or the future.

"Existentialism".

have a good week :)

p/s: what is age but a number? it's phrase that is used too commonly, but think about it. what IS IT but a number? :)

Tue Mar 20, 09:59:00 AM

 
Blogger Rock said...

Paz, another wonderful post.

I feel old paz, because I am. I am old at 60 (I turn this golden age in a few days--oh sweet Jesus!)

I know I'm old because the girls I used to oogle look the other way now. Did I change? I guess I did. What a cruel thing God does to us, well, some of us. Clint Eastwood still does all right.

Anyway, congratulations on reaching this milestone, and on your sense of humor about it.

Truth—The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone
Rock

Tue Mar 20, 02:54:00 PM

 
Anonymous pigeontoes said...

first of all, thirties are better than twenties. i'm diggin them so far.

but if i had to add some of my own:
you know you're over 30 when...

-it ain't the lighting man...those are gray!! and your students call you out on it.

-you get excited when weekend plans get foiled and you can have a quiet night at home and can be in bed by 9:30.

-you can't believe that these young cats never lived when there weren't cell phones. it takes you a long time to send a text message.

-you hate shopping for basketball sneakers, because you feel they all look like cheesy space shoes or something. you miss the simplicity of the sneaks in the mid 80's. (and simplicity--80's must be some kinda oxymoron or something.)

-TAPES...you've made mix tapes from other tapes.

-you know how to cue up a tape numerous ways: fast forwarding it then flipping it, or flipping it then rewinding it.

-you know how to pull the tape out of a cassette if it's twisted and flatten it out and use a pencil to wind it back in.

Tue Mar 20, 03:56:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Man, ya'll bring tears to my eyes! (in a good way)

Kiy- you can take this little girl whenever you want! Just remember NO McDonalds.

Nat- No need to fear just yet. When you can't remember your way home, get scared!

Eye- Folks at thirty freak out for no reason really- you'll see soon enough!

Des- I moved away from Denver to get away from the snow and cold, and now I miss the snow, but NOT the cold. I think I'll enjoy the early springs and hot summers in the dirty south for a little while longer.

Ms. Magdalene- Welcome to the madness that is The Path! You're getting way to deep for my fried brain after a day with kids (I'm a teacher), but I will say that me and Kiyotoe had a long conversation about whether "time" truly exists or whether it's an invented theory to keep order, 'till six in the morning! Try wrapping your brain around those two ideas! If time isn't "real" than neither is "age"...

Rock- why did I think you were a lot younger? Maybe it's that your writing has a youthful vigor. Trust me, I feel like the dirty old man anytime I walk NEAR a college campus. Ahh the good ole days.

P-toes, TAPES...the best thing to happen to music, ever! How else could you listen to Big Daddy Kane, Heavy D and the DOC all in the same busride without pushing "stop". Oh man, THOSE were the good old days...

Tue Mar 20, 05:43:00 PM

 
Blogger The Counselor said...

Oh Paz...great post.

We've discussed this at length numerous times...

how bout this...

-If I were pregnant when I met you and kiyotoe, my child would be 12 going on 13 this year.

-have you ever accidently flipped your cd over in your stereo thinking there's additional songs on the other side?

-guess who was in Best Buy trying to buy a cd "single"??? Uh...apparently, they don't make those anymore.

-you know you're old when you're on the phone with your grandmother TELLING HER you think YOU have arthritis.

-you know you're old when your boyfriend buys you a stereo and you get bummed-out because it doesn't have a tape player-

-when you try to pleasure yourself and you fall asleep-

-when you argue with your employers for time off--so you can go to the doctor...

whew.

I'm depressed.

old ass counselor

Tue Mar 20, 06:41:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Le Park, I ain't NEVER fell asleep trying to pleasure myself. I fall asleep when I'm done, but I suppose it'll happen sooner or later. What have we become?

Wed Mar 21, 06:57:00 AM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

They don't make singles anymore? Daaaamn...I honestly didn't know that.

Thu Mar 22, 01:06:00 PM

 
Blogger mimi said...

Young'uns! Listen to the voices of experience:accept "been there/done that"; aging is not a curse. Sure, you can't "work-it" like you could at 20 and many other things. Hell when I was in my 20's I was flier than fly, finer than granulated sugar and had a figure like an hour glass! Now? I'm staring up the barrel of 50 at 44 refusing to allow depression to settle. As my grandfather,God rest his soul, used to say, "I'd rather be Old than Cold". Age gracefully cuz it ain't over til' it's over. Peace and Love, micki

Fri Mar 23, 06:07:00 AM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

You have been tagged.

Sat Mar 24, 09:48:00 AM

 
Anonymous moo said...

Yea I'm going to be 30 and I'm looking forward to it!

-you know you're old when you tell your kids, "y'all don't know how to dance! This is how we did it back in the day" and proceed to hurt yourself doing the cabbage patch, reebok, prep, wap, running man, roger rabbit etc

Mon Mar 26, 04:31:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Moo, you sound like Dad the "dancemaster" himself. Oh lord...you know it's bad now!

Tue Mar 27, 09:24:00 AM

 
Anonymous sayrah77 said...

Planning for retirement - holy crap! And I'm getting a LATE start at 29 years, 8 months and 28 days? Seriously?

Enjoying life without drama. Whoa.

TAPES ARE SWEET - hovering by the radio for your favorite song to come on so you can tape it off the RADIO to listen to again and again.

30 will be nice. I hear its the best decade. :)

Tue Mar 27, 03:54:00 PM

 
Blogger ambandenva2 said...

Paz,

a lot of that rang true for me, but I am super excited to get to the big 3-0. The first half of my twenties sucked and I have been spending the second have healing from the first. I need 30 so that I can start fresh. So I will embrace it all.

Counselor, really you fell asleep. I think you might need a new B.O.B

Ms. Denva
the 5280 Princess

Fri Mar 30, 11:33:00 PM

 
Blogger Aisby said...

I now eat Krystal's during the daytime instead of at 3am after leaving the bar.

I realize my high school students are closer in age to my 4 year old daughter than to me (I feel like I should still be in college).

Going to bed at 11pm is late.

I remember when Michael Jackson was REALLY cool!!

Sun Apr 08, 08:09:00 PM

 
Blogger Nicole said...

fuckkkkk

I guess you might as well call me GRANDMA PAZ!!!! lol

well, how about this...when I was 20, I felt like I was 30...I had to grow up fast and had lots of resposibilities as a teenager as my mom was a single mom to 3 kids with no financial or emotional support from our deadbeat Dad.
Now, I am in my almost late 30's...but I feel young. I think I have aged well and am more attractive in my 30's then i was in my 20's. I had my kids when i was 22 and 24 so my time was devoted to them. Now I can devote my time to me and spend more money on myself, instead of diapers etc. Oh, they still suck the money outta us, but we just have more of it now and aren't so tied down and i actually feel like I have a pretty damn great life.

But then I read this and realized that I am closer to 50 then I am 20...Paz...I am so going to twist your left nipple a lovely shade of purple for pointing that out!!! lol

Fri May 25, 07:57:00 AM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

I think women are DEFINITELY sexier in their 30's than their 20's and I'm sure you're no exception! Hopefully my compliment will lessen the degree of pain I get from your nipple twist, although to some, that would be more of a reward than a punishment!

Fri May 25, 09:11:00 AM

 

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