Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

It's gettin hot in hurr...

When I was in my last year of college, I had a gay roommate from Ireland who was one of only a handful of White students who attended CAU- Clark Atlanta University. Though he was an exchange student, he was anything but the stereotypical shy visitor you normally would expect. He was a lively, arrogant guy with short spiky hair and a snappy wit most Americans aren't accustomed to. He was the type- if provoked- to verbally embarass someone in the worst way possible, and suddenly walk off without blinking twice, leaving the unfortunate victim speechless and mouth agape. Needless to say, he, like myself was a bit of an anomaly on campus and despite our different sexual orientations, we were a pretty good fit as roommates.

Anyway, he would always wear this white and purple t-shirt that simply said, "Tinky Winky made me do it!" but it wasn't until I read what the conservative, religious lunatic Jerry Fallwell said about a children's t.v. show that I understood the joke. Recall now, that Falwell rebuked PBS' "Teletubbies" as "bad for children because they promote gay lifestyles". His rationale: the androgynous Tinky Winky (that's the bastard on the far left) is topped with a three sided geometrical shape known to intelligent people as a TRIANGLE, but to him and his mindless followers, it's a sign of the conspiratorial gay agenda attracting kids. At the time I shrugged it off as whacked out lunacy, but now....

I'm starting to think that adults are more ignorant than children.

It seems that in more recent years, children's programs have been targeted by conservatives who complain about everything from Sponge Bob to Sesame Street. They claim that these shows are proof of a left wing conspiracy to liberalize kid's thought processes and teach (gasp!) TOLERANCE of all things. What insiduously evil genius thought that idea up? Until this week, the protests coming from the likes of the religious right have focused primarily on inhibiting children's exposure to homosexual themes in television, but now they've got a new cause, keeping children from being unintentionally exposed to the environmental causes of the day. The focus of their agitation this time around- cartoon penguins, yes PENGUINS.

There is some new cartoon flick out called "Happy Feet" where the main characters are a flock of Antarctic penguins who are starving due to overfishing. What's got their panties in a twitch is the fact that in the movie a) humans are blamed for the lack of food for the penguins b) human pollution negatively affects the penguins lives c) humans are referred to as "aliens"and d) the protagonist penguin dances too much. Now I might understand their anger if the main themes in the movie were untrue, but only a blind person could miss how horridly humans are contributing to the degredation of the environment, and even most of them know what the deal is. Of all things to be upset about in American society- war, drugs, racism, childhood obesity, poverty and mainstream radio- a cartoon of dancing, hungry penguins is what pisses people off. Neil Cavuto of Fox"news" said the movie was an "animated Inconvenient Truth" and that he "half-expected to see an animated version of Al Gore pop up" and even CNN's Glen Beck jumped into the fray calling the cartoon "propaganda". Huh. All this over a cartoon? Then again, I'm watching a Fox"news" report right now about a Florida man who's in critical condition after nearly getting eaten alive by an alligator. But hey, there's NO connection between a lack of natural gator food (fish) and humans now being a #3 combo meal on their menu, right? RIGHT! I guess teaching kids to appreciate the environment IS a real threat to the moral fabric of this country isn't it!

I've come to the conclusion that grown ups really know how to jack up a good thing by assuming cartoons and other kid's program have hidden agendas. As adults, we can see the interesting subtle nuances that we missed as kids, but I think these folks are really overestimating the impact these harmless shows have on children. Just to prove it, I want you all to come with me on a trip down memory lane to view the biggest t.v. influences on our lives from childhood. Since they want to bastardize cartoons, I want to delve into the ultra-conservative mindset real quick and join the calls to boycott children's television! If kid's shows really have a dark side that instill socially rehensible behavior, let's explore and decide for ourselves whether the shows from back in the day made us the way we are. Let's see how much "influence" they REALLY had on us: Shall we?

GI Joe: Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Be a real American hero, just don't come out of the closet.... Although knowing is half the battle, if you "know" that you're gay, keep it to yourself.

Rainbow Bright: Leader of the Feminist Lesbian Movement.

Who could have known that all that "rainbow power" would turn a generation of little girls into man-hating gay women?

Flash Gordon: Exhibitionist.

With a name like "Flash" what do you expect? Blasphemous!

Fraggle Rock: Baseheads.

Look at their dialated pupils, wacky temperments and uncontrollable urges to always be moving. You KNOW they all had to be freebasin'!

Tom and Jerry: Sadomasochists.

Leather and chains anyone? No one, and I mean NO ONE loved the pleasures of giving and receiving painful discipline more than these two. This must be why children are so hard-headed. They just LOVE a good ass whoopin!

Statler and Waldorf: Drunks.

Who drinks tea at the theater? It's all about the liquor with these two winos. Folks who are inebriated tend to have loose lips and these guys talked stuff about EVERYONE! Terrible influence!

The Brain: Evil Marxist tyrant.

Damn Commies always want to take over! Kids will all want to be like Josef Stalin, kill their parents and try to rule the world after watching Animaniacs!

Pee Wee Herman: LSD advocate

Who else but someone on psychotropic drugs would have talking furniture, a REAL genie and a house band comprised of furry stuffed animals to play the theme music? Luckily he gave up the hallucenagenics and started watching porn instead!

Pepe Le Pew: Sexual predator.

Je suis un perverti*. Teenage boys worldwide can blame this skunk for their high testosterone levels and angsty adolescent moods- or at least use him as a good excuse for their lack of self control.
*( I am a pervert...)

Bugs Bunny: Drag Queen.

Blame the silly wabbit for giving men in dresses some legitimacy. He paved the way for the likes of Divine, Rupaul, and Dennis Rodman to paint their nails, don wigs and get completely in touch with their feminine sides. Where's Elmer Fudd when you need him?

Bert and Ernie: Gay lovers.

These two have lived together for 25 years, never have women come to visit, and Bert is a well dressed neat freak who collects paper clips. What else is there to say? I got it, "Ban Sesame Street forever!"

Santa Clause: (Fill in the blank)________

As I've said before, the jolly old fat man Santa is definitely on the sauce (among other things). Who would voluntarily live in the coldest place on earth, smoke a pipe containing who knows what, work in a toy shop with "elves", have a constant red face, "fly" through the air on a sled led by reindeer- the main one having a red nose, keep strange children on his lap and go on a crash diet that allows him to fit down chimneys? No Santa for my baby!

As you can see, any adult who digs THIS deep is bound to be upset about kid's programming regardless of what's on. They probably had an unhappy childhood and didn't get to watch the good stuff when they were young anyway. Too bad for them! Rather than let kids be kids and enjoy a few hours of wacky cartoons, they want to make a political issue out of it and take the best part out of it- the fun. Who knows, maybe they're still upset about the election and need something else to fuss about. Either way, they all need to grow up, get a life and get laid, -then maybe the rest of us can watch our mindless 'toons the way they were intended.


Anonymous micki said...

Where of where to begin? You are quite accurate about the outrage attributed to harmless cartoon portrayls. One must dig very deep to come up with this shit. Our children are innately more advanced than those of us born in the 50's & 60's;in addition our childen are taught to be racist, intolerant and yes to some degree, STUPID. About you Irish roommate, I was on the opposite of that in college:due to my "ADD" type of personality, I knew I either had to join the Armed Services or go somewhere that would offer NO DISTRACTIONS!an all girl, all white school in Northampton, MA;I find that the Irish in Europe are a lot like "Us" in America.I almost made my English Major concentration in Irish & Russian Drama. Thank you for recognizing how detrimental the religious right can be to th psyche's of a juvenille mind. Love you, micki

Fri Dec 01, 08:24:00 AM

Blogger Woozie said...

Winston tastes good like a cigarette should!

Fri Dec 01, 04:56:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

What the hell you doin smokin at your age young man?!??!

Fri Dec 01, 05:08:00 PM

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

my brotha, youze a sick cat. Very profound.....but sick. But don't you EVER talk ill of G.I. Joe again! And i saw Happy Feet on bootleg in Jersey, that's a good movie man. Funny with a message, you need to check it out.

p.s. - who said you and ian (or whatever his name was) had different sexual orientations?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

ok that's it.

Fri Dec 01, 07:23:00 PM

Blogger ambandenva2 said...


If you feel that children should be allowed to pretend and have those times of imagination and fantasy then how come you won't let your child have those few years of Santa? I read your previous blog on it, but it really is not that devastating when you have to break the news and I don't believe children really feel like their parents are eternal liars. Children are only children for a short time and they only say cute things and have big imaginations for a short time before they are rudely awakened by the real world. So I vote to let her play dress up, house, pretend and believe in Santa Claus it is only about 5-7 years out of a 100 year life span.

Calling your card :-),

Ms. Denva


I can't wait to see and spoil my adopted niece. Everybody loves auntie Denva.:-)

Sun Dec 03, 10:08:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...


Of course kids SHOULD have an imagination but it's better when it's intrinsic. Santa is fabricated by the adults, not by kids. Kids will have their imaginations and I will allow Naimah to have a wild imagination as well, (why wouldn't I?) but Santa won't be something I'll be pushing on her. Besides, I don't even celebrate Christmas so Santa's a bit of a non sequitur. Hey, you can try to explain the whole Santa thing to her one day, but expect her to look at you with a funny look and say, "Daddy told me there ain't no such thing as Santa Clause..." Besides, didn't you read about what Santa is REALLY doing up in the North Pole? See, you try to educate people and they never listen....(hahaha!)

Mon Dec 04, 12:20:00 PM

Blogger DesLily said...

There's no Santa Claus? damn!

Mon Dec 04, 12:27:00 PM

Blogger ambandenva2 said...


Don't hate on the free stuff. LOL. And if your child says,"There ain't no Santa Claus." I will tell her that her father is incorrect because that is a double negative, and thus the negatives cancel themselves out, meaning that there is an intrinsic possibilty for Santa. LOL

Auntie Denva :-)

Mon Dec 04, 07:34:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Boy, you overeducated folks really chap my hide! Remind me to pop you on the forehead for that one when I see you later this month(haha!)

Tue Dec 05, 04:02:00 AM

Blogger Journeyman said...

I agree with you, man. The over-analyzing of these kid shows these days is absolutely rediculous. We watched pee wee herman wearin lipstick in his lil playhouse, we watched Mr. Rogers change his clothes everyday, we saw a grown man in a big yellow bird costume talk to a life sized furry green doll with anger management issues while living in a trash can and we came out fine. Although it is true that nobody know how old Spongebob is, it doesnt matter. You shelter your kids from things that will destroy them. Stop them from watching rated R movies; put them to sleep before Dave Chappelle comes on TV, but Happy Feet?!? Tela tubbies (sp) promoting homosexual behavior?!? (Do you hear my rising tone in this statement to show my disbelief?) Come on. Give me a break. I think these people dont have anything better to do than to find more excuses for why their kids are screw ups rather that beatin the heck outta them like they use to do back in the day. The kids dont need a super analitical white collar to read into the cartoons they're watchin, they need a grandmother to go to work on them with an extension cord and tell them how things are going to be.

Tue Dec 05, 03:21:00 PM

Blogger Journeyman said...

And by the way... Forget santa clause if I cant get a PS3 for less than 3 grand. LOL!

Tue Dec 05, 03:22:00 PM

Anonymous pigeontoes said...

another beautiful one, paz! as always, you're killing me, my man.

but hey. how could you leave off scooby doo?!! what about the smurfs?!! we're talking danger, right?

much love, big man.

Wed Dec 06, 05:52:00 PM

Blogger ambandenva2 said...


I may have hated your Alma Mater, but I am no dummy and I took away that twisted logic from those "humble" roots. So, it's all their fault and it always will be. :-)

Ms. Froshroom :-)

Thu Dec 07, 05:43:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Hindsight made me realize that there are A LOT of 'toons I missed. He-Man (steroids), Scooby Doo (swingers), Smurfs (incest/genetic engineering), Betty Boop (high class prostitution) etc....

You got out before they could corrupt your mind completely! Nice work.

Thu Dec 07, 05:52:00 PM

Blogger ambandenva2 said...

You forgot; Thunder Cats (beacons of Communism), She-Ra (lesbian agenda), Punky Brewster (Possible victim of pedaphilia), Snorks (Ocean Smurfs), Flintstones (potential domestic violence), Dungeons and Dragons (Introduction to occult paganism).LOL

work cited


Thu Dec 07, 08:33:00 PM

Blogger Rock said...

Paz, your site, I have to admit, is one of the best on the web. This piece is hilarious, and great. I agree with much of what you say, although, as you may have known I would, I disagree about the essence of the argument.

We conservatives do see a liberal conspiracy in our schools and with children from the cradle to the grave. All the schools are liberal, from kindergarten to graduate school. Hollywood is liberal. It is not that surprising that liberal idelogy would permeate the programming for children's movies and TV shows.

I think Falwell and his ilk go overboard, but I trust Cavuto completely. If he says the movie is "tainted' with liberal nonsense, then I'm inclined to want to see the movie for myself to see if he is right.

I see "liberal" messages in children's programming all the time. War is bad, always. Humans are nasty. Capitalism is evil. Corporations are bad for the world. Global warming is a fact. And so on. And, yes, it is dangerous. It's brainwashing from the cradle to the grave.

Still, you do make some great points, and I agree with you basically that it has been overdone. The Tela Tubbies thing is wild.

Plus, I have always wondered about cartoons. The violence of them. Roadrunner, the cat wanting to eat Tom and Jerry. Great stuff. You're right, though. We don't need to get all bent out of shape because of them.

Thanks for a great blog.

Truth—The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone

Sat Dec 09, 10:18:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Rock it's been too long, welcome back. In reviewing these old cartoons I can see how, if you wanted to, someone could perceive liberal "conspiracies" in children's television. Seseme street is "liberal" in the sense that it teaches people to cooperate and avoid conflict, peacefulness is better than warfare etc. but I have yet to see any cartoon (besides South Park) saying that humans are "nasty" or supporting a boycott of Walmart. Maybe you have? Considering the amount of violence on tv and in their neighborhoods, I think messages of cooperation are messages kids need. I haven't seen Happy Feet yet but it was described to me as "funny with a message" and one of my points was to show that even if it is "liberal" in slant, appreciating the environment is a message the kids need. You can't argue the significantly negative impact humans are having on the world, but there are those pro-business conservatives like Cavuto et al. that will continue to deny it.

Sat Dec 09, 12:52:00 PM


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