Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Friday, September 08, 2006

The "Price" of style

Ron Price is my newest hero! For those of you who are asking yourselves, Who is that? check this out. I was watching CNN yesterday and stuck in between the report on Bush's arrival in Georgia and the report on the repetative shit he said in a speech to a hand picked, Republican, Cobb County audience- was a report on Ron Price's effort to better his community. He's a Dallas School Board member who is actively seeking to get an ordinance passed to ticket and fine grown ass men who publically walk around with the top of their pants saggin' below the bottom of their asses, a national phenomenon known as "saggin" (they said it just like that in the report! well they used "deriere")




As a teacher who frequently has to stop kids in the hallway and have them pull up their pants, or in extreme cases get yarn to substitute as a belt, I have a devout appreciation for his efforts. I often drive home from work seeing young cats hangin ass-out on the corner or walking down the street as if there is a lump of shit wedged between their thighs. Now, Price is not my hero because he wants to institute a Soviet-era standard of dress, he's my hero because I think it's about time someone stepped forward to take a stand against what I call "pointless fashion statements". I've never been into fashion, followed what clothes are "in" for the moment, or ever cared about what people wear on the gatdamned red carpet. What I DO take notice of is the shit people wear that makes absolutely no sense what so ever. CNN was asking "Where does it stop? Do we start ticketing people working at bikini car washes too?" I say HELL YEAH! Get 'em all! And these are the folks I'd be writing up first:




Saggers- Saggers would at the top of the list mainly because the ONE part of the human body that will always smell worse than smelly armpits is YOUR ASS. Clothes serve two purposes, 1) covering your essential body parts 2) hiding whatever odor is naturally emitted from your body. If your ass is hanging out, chances are YOU STINK and the folks standing next to you with their asses out probably stink too. Considering the fact that there ain't no such thing as "ass deoderant" just yet, it might be wise to simply pull em up.

Punishment- $20 for the ass out and $75 for stinkin up my space with your ass pollution





Women in high heel shoes- Women, this is for your own good, trust me. I know, I know, shoes are an essential accessory to every woman's wardrobe, and some would argue that the shoes are more important to an outfit than the outfit itself! If that's true, why not just wear the shoes and nothing else to work? I'm sure you'll get whatever you want from your co-workers that day- but I digress. My problem with the high heel shoe is that women have a hard time walking in them, and that's because they make the shoe two sizes two small for your actual foot and you end up with corns, bunyans, hard pads and soreness for days. "But these shoes are so cute!" they say, or "These go SOOO well with my orange blouse!" Women wear these "cute" creatures two days in a row and they can't walk for a week afterward. Risa told me one time that those new super-pointy shoes were SO "in" that women in NY were having their pinky toes amputated so their feet can fit in them more comfortably. What the fuck? When those shoes go out of style, like, six months ago, you have to live the rest of your life with 8 toes and a lack of proper balance! Get some sneakers that match or a pair of comfortable kicks to go with that sexy dress. Honestly, if you look good, you'll look good in anything. You could probably walk around barefoot and the guys wouldn't even notice. Right MEN?!?!?! (RIGHT!)

Oh damn, I forgot. Women dress to impress other women- not men! How jacked up is that.....

Punishment- return all tight, too small, ugly and otherwise uncomfortable shoes to the stores you got them from OR donate to the male transvestite of your choice. Let HIM suffer a bit and realize that being a woman is hard work, especially when you have to deal with them catty, low-down dirty, female critics all the time!






Trendy frat boys who wear shades on the back of their necks instead of on their faces- as if ANYONE really has eyes in the back of their head (except my momma!). I want to meet the fool who thought this was innovative and slap the shit out of him. I was on the tram that carries airline passengers from the gate to the main terminal in the Denver airport and there is this group of three Trendies ("vesties" as we called them back in the day -only my sister and Amber will get the reference). All three of them were dressed exactly alike, (khaki shorts, polo shirts) and all three had shades on the backs of their necks! Don't ask why this annoyed me so much but I HAD to find out where this trend comes from and this is what I discovered. There is actually a very practical purpose for it:

The Australian Magpie is fairly agressive towards humans, so much so that these birds are known to swoop down and attack people from behind as they walk down the street. What they have suggested is that people simply wear glasses on the back of their necks to keep the magpies at bay.


above: punk ass bird

Hmmm. I can only conclude that some frat boys went to Australia on Spring Break and saw all these Aussies walking down some street in sunny Melbourne with backward facing sunglasses. Being the conformists frat boys tend to be at times, they all turned their dark glasses backwards thinking it a novel idea rather than a practical magpie deterrent. Upon arriving in the States, other conformist frat boys saw the new "style" and joined in, spreading the fad across the nation. Now there's a large herd of college age kids walking around looking silly. Man, I LOVE being an individual sometimes....

Punishment- $200 and a quick slap in the face for being impractical, and an additional $100 for being a cheeseball and wanting to be just like a bunch of other cheeseballs who want to be like other cheeseballs who want to be like other cheeseballs who want to be like other cheeseballs who want to be like other cheeseballs who want to be like other cheeseballs...





The "oops" thong- For most men I know, this sort of thing is quite sexy- in fact there are websites dedicated to the occurence of the thong that pops out in the most inopportune and unsuspecting moments. But call me an exception to the rule. If I'm sitting at some outdoor restaurant about to dive into a plate of pasta, the LAST thing I want to see is THIS:



Sorry ladies, no double standard here! Men need to keep their asses tucked safely away and so do the lot of you! Some women actually buy pants specifically for the sole purpose of showing off their underwear to the public, but truth be told, a man would much rather see your thong in the privacy of his bachelor pad, not in the mall. Now, I know designers are cutting pants lower and lower around the waist every year, but be strong and rebel! Be beautful, not tacky.

Punishment- slap on the wrist....(hey it's a minor offense)

and finally:






Men in leather pants- (This violation excludes motorcyclists) I had the longest argument with my mom about whether men should be wearing leather pants.


Mom: "They're in style now!" she said.

Me: "They were in style when Cameo and the Gap Band were on the charts! These days it's a no- no."

Mom: "Your dad wears them!"

Me (sarcastically): "Uhhhh, that's not supposed to convince me is it?" (sorry Dad.)


See, the thing with leather pants is that I remember being a little kid and listening to my parents' albums- Earth Wind and Fire, Lou Rawls, Kool and the Gang, Midnight Star. The album covers were always outta sight and I remember thinking how cool their clothes were and I wanted to dress JUST LIKE THAT when I grew up.
Twenty years and a whole lotta sense later I've realized the error of my ways. No one wants to dress like they did back then and with good reason. Tight leather pants might have attracted a few women, but their balls had to suffer because of it, and who wants to live life with hurtin' balls?

Punishment: $80 for still living in the 80's and community service with John Wayne Bobbit.

Feel free to list some fashion no-no's of your own!

17 Comments:

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

8 - My man, if you smell somebody's ass because their pants are sagging, then their choice in fashion styles is the LEAST of their worries.

And stop hatin' on the oops thongs, what are you trying to do over here!
You know you like it.

Fri Sep 08, 02:34:00 PM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

Men Wearing Pink. Real men don't wear pink. Real men wear anything but pink, even if it's purple. I will wear a purple shirt before I wear a pink shirt.

Fri Sep 08, 03:54:00 PM

 
Anonymous risa said...

men who wear pink are hot.

Sat Sep 09, 02:43:00 PM

 
Blogger ambandenva2 said...

Paz,

You took me back brotha. VESTIES for real. I so forgot about that. I saw one of those dudes a few years ago not he is a yuppie. HMM interesting, but that is for another blog.
As for the shoes. I have found comfortable high heels, it is the price we women pay for beauty and style we live with those sadistic contraptions and we like it. Not really I just wanted to say something.
Just a point of reference, I heard that sagging originated in jail. If a man was sagging his jail pants that meant he was ready to get down with another dude. I am going to do some checking on that, but I have heard that a few times.
I agree with Woozie, men in pink is not sexy. I actual think that it makes them suspect and with the whole DL thing going on, I would think that men would not want to be considered suspect. Just saying. Now, I will admit, no offense to others, that Black men can wear colors other men can't and look sooo sexy. I.E. royal blue. I don't know what it is, but sometimes a Harold Penner suit and Stacy Adams can do it for a sista. Anyway this is getting long. Awesome blog. Down with sagging, vesties, overthongs (although I am a bit offended that you had to use a big girl for your bad example, but I digress), high heel shoes and men in pink shirts.

Ms. Denva

Sun Sep 10, 11:02:00 AM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

I wasn't trying to use the big girl to drive home any point other than the thong hangin out as a tacky fashion faux pas. The fact that the girl was big had nothing to do with it really, it was the fact that she was eating and the picture fit what I was trying to emphasize regarding wayward thongs messing with people's appetites (mine!) regardless of the woman's size or shape.

Mon Sep 11, 01:26:00 PM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

men who wear pink are hot.

In my experience it is also likely they are gay or at least bisexual.

Mon Sep 11, 02:16:00 PM

 
Blogger Rock said...

paz, I used to have to deal with "sagging" when I worked in the L.A. group homes. What a fashion statement. When we were young we rebelled with long hair, drugs and rock n' roll. We thought we looked good. I guess the kids are saying F* you to the establishment. I agree with you, though. Your punishments are great.

I notice that your website is run on Internet Explorer (sorry for the invasion of privacy, but that's what Site Meter can do). I notice at work that my new template doesn't work in I.E. That's too bad. It works perfectly in every other browser. Dilemma! I'll keep it for now, but try to find a workaround.

Are you used to my "talking persona" or do you still think I'm daffy for using it?

Have a great day, paz.

Rock

Truth-The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone

Mon Sep 11, 03:12:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Rock- I just thought it was funny to hear a computerized voice acting as your proxy while you got your blog fixed. I still can't read it for some reason, at work or at home, but I'll keep checkin in while the kinks get worked out.

Tue Sep 12, 04:57:00 AM

 
Blogger Rock said...

paz, I wanted to send this by email, but I don't see an email address. It gives me an excuse anyway to read your funny post again.

Sorry to impose on you, but I have Internet Explorer at work, and what I see with my site now is 3 columns. The center column is blank (on other browsers this is where my first post is). But if I click on the caption "To expand the posts and comment, click here first", then it takes me to the place where I can expand the posts. Then I see all the posts.

Is this what you see? Or is the middle column pushed to the bottom?

I'd really appreciate feedback on this, as Internet Explorer still controls about 85% of the internet, and I don't want to shut you people out.

Thanks, and keep up your great work on your wonderful site.

Rock

Truth—The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone

Tue Sep 12, 05:22:00 AM

 
Anonymous micki said...

Paz, I'm so happy that I'm not the only one who detests that "Saggy" practice. I couldn't agree more with the thong: 1-whoever came up with it should be drawn&quartered, not only is it unattractive, it's uncomfortable as HELL (you could have found a better example) 2-it is one of the stupidest trends to gain notoriety. As for the shoes, I tend to agree with the high heel put down, hundreds of women have severe forms of scoleosis due to those shoes; the pointy toe? it is a travesty! Women do Love their shoes, but to suffer because of them? I say find a better form of expression. As trends go, one of my many pet-peeves is the wearing of a boostee-a on the outside of one's outfit. much love, micki

Tue Sep 12, 06:09:00 AM

 
Anonymous micki said...

Not to beat a dead-horse, but I am also bothered by the MANGALA TORTUROUS under-wire bras; as if we don't have enough to deal with, harnessing breasts, no matter how large or small should not be a painful experience. Gone are the days when we could go bra-less without repercussions. And thanks again for the Forum to "vent". Love, micki

Tue Sep 12, 07:53:00 AM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Rock- I can see all the sidebar items and the long box in the middle of the screen but nothing inside the box. I tried clicking on individual posts and a new window opens but nothing else happens. I'll try doing what you suggest and see what happens.......

Tue Sep 12, 02:30:00 PM

 
Blogger ambandenva2 said...

Micki,

I agree with you to an extent on the bras. I mean they really are torture devices, but I realized that if I didn't wear one with the super support and underwire, somebody might get hurt. LOL

Ms. Denva

Tue Sep 12, 10:28:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

That's the GOOD type of pain!

Wed Sep 13, 06:20:00 AM

 
Blogger Rock said...

paz, thank you for your help.

Go down below the empty box, click to expand the post, then click to go to comments. I know this sounds complicated, but if I can get feedback on how things are now, then I can change stuff to simplify everything.

I appreciate your help.

Rock

Truth—The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone

Wed Sep 13, 07:26:00 AM

 
Blogger Counselor said...

Hey Paz!

Again, you've given me something to laugh at this morning!

let me share a few things that I would give fines for...

1. What's up with the tight pants w/ the extra meat hanging over the top??

2. the "dirty" jeans trend-remember that? Everyone rushed out to buy jeans that looked like they had been dipped in dirt and car oil... ummmm paying to look like you don't wash your clothes...??

3. In Georgia...this white tee stuff has got to stop!! It's ridiculous....every day you're wearing a white tee...but as the week goes on...it turns yellow and then gray....(excuse me, I think I'm becoming ill...)

p.s. the thong example was foul and f.y.i. wearing pink is no indication of manhood--no more than wearing navy blue.

great blog.

Fri Sep 15, 10:47:00 PM

 
Blogger Bibi said...

LOL, that was fun. I agree with the men in leather pants ... motorcylists and cowboys only.

Mon Sep 18, 10:53:00 PM

 

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