Bring back vigilante justice! (for sex offenders)

I don't know what the reporting is like in other cities these days, but I absolutely HATE watching Atlanta's local news. Everyday, the only things they seem to report is that "someone" got shot, stabbed, robbed, wrecked, arrested, sexually assaulted, or lost everything in an apartment fire. I'm a very jovial person as most of you can attest, but hearing the news of the day in your world can be damn depressing. Why watch the news if it makes you want to slit your own wrists? Usually stories of criminals doing bad shit make me shake my head in disgust and subsequently turn the channel, but today I got a bit of a warm and fuzzy feeling after hearing about someone's dastardly deeds. The story went something like this:

Police arrested a couple last week and charged them with the robbery and assault of several men featured on the state's Sex Offender list. Allegedly, Jennifer Smith posed as a 14 year old girl on various websites and chatrooms in order to lure men to designated locations with the promise of sex. When the unsuspecting men arrived at the location, they were met instead by Smith's boyfriend, Jason Franks and a baseball bat! He allegedly told the victims that they had to fork over the loot (they actually used that phrase!!) or he'd report them to the police. The couple was arrested instead, claiming they were actually doing society a FAVOR by keeping tabs on sexual predators. The couple is being held on a $20,000 bond.

(Names have been changed 'cause I don't remember them....)

Good for them! Every now and then, someone comes up with an idea that makes you say to yourself, "Why didn't I think of that?" Oddly enough, I had one of those light bulb moments right after that story aired. I'm not saying that I am criminal minded or willing to rob people of their hard earned money, but you gotta love a criminal who targets sexual predators. You hear of criminals preying on innocent citizens like the elderly and immigrants all the time, knowing that these folks are normally too frail or intimidated to fight back. It's oddly refreshing to know that this couple actually had the couth to victimize the victimizers- and why not? Most of us know of at least one person, female or male who has been sexually assualted by someone and usually (but not always) it occured when they were too young to do anything about it and get justice. The people we know end up being scarred for life and will never forget the torment they went through so some sick fuck can get a rise. Just this week, I got involved in an interesting conversation with other teachers regarding sexual predators and how there's little to no hope in rehabilitating them. Those who have offended usually go back to offend again and prison does little to nothing in deterring these criminals of opportunity. More often than not, today's victimizers were once sexually assaulted themselves and they simply become part of an endless cycle of abuse. There HAS to be a way to break the cycle so I came up with a few of my own solutions inspired by this innovative couple. Here's my proposal (ahem):

Dear Mr. Governor Perdue,

After seeing many high profile cases of sex offenders kidnapping children off the streets for their own criminally deviant behavior, I ask that you pardon these two (half) decent individuals. As we can plainly see, putting the faces of sex offenders on a public list does little to limit their activities or their desires to target children so, here's a few suggestions to help promote vigilantism against these people and make our streets and neighborhoods safer for future generations. Think of it as an amendment to the "citizen's arrest":

1 The Meet and Beat- Any person(s) who poses online as a child and gets lured by an offending adult may "meet and beat" that person without threat of arrest. If arrested, the vigilante may cite the Meet and Beat clause and be immediately released. If offenders know that meeting a teen online could result in a swift ass kickin' by grown men wielding baseball bats, maybe they'd think twice about their activites.

2. The Make You Pay- Any person who poses online as a child and gets lured by an offending adult may take any and all funds in the posession of the offending adult as a bribe/payment for services rendered without threat of arrest. If arrested, the vigilante may cite the MYP clause and be immediately released. If no funds are to be found in the posession of the offending adult, the vigilante may then enact the Meet and Beat clause and commence to kickin ass! If offenders know that meeting a teen online could result in relief of funds, maybe they'd think twice about their activities.

3. The Random Jackup- Any person videotaping suspicious adults carousing around schools and daycare centers in suspicious fashion on three separate occasions may enact the Random Jackup. The vigilante is then allowed to pull the offender out of their car and commence to kickin ass! Upon arriving, police officers would only need to see the offender on tape casing locations and the vigilante will be cleared of any charges. Police officers may join in on the Random Jackup if they so desire.

4. The Combination- Any adult caught in the act of a sexual assault may be legally subject to the Combination, the mother of all ass whoopins. This enables the immediate witness to call any and all from the neighborhood to join in and use non lethal force teaching the offender a quick lesson. Upon arrival, the attending officers MUST join in, using all non lethal force to force the offender to rethink his/her activities.

Once these vigilante activities are brought to bear, a large number of sexual predators will be stomped out (literally) and our great society would see a huge drop in the numbers of annual sexual assaults. Please place careful consideration on my ideas as they are merely intended to create a healthier environment for all. By the way, thank you for the raise for the state's teachers, but I still ain't voting for you in November.

Sincerely,
S. Y. Rahmaan

p.s. To drive home the point, I've included a picture series of people who need a swift ass kickin' IMMEDIATELY. You wouldn't want any of them around your kids, and neither would I.