WTF

Alright gang here's another installment of your quirky week in What the Fuck.

Dante's Bust




No I'm not talking about some drug addicted athlete who got caught, or some woman's fine cleavage, I'm talking about Dante, the writer of the famed apocalyptic novel "Dante's Inferno." Some scientists in Italy "reconstructed" Dante's face from a 700 year old skull and came up with this:

Now my question is-- Who REALLY knows?
Yes Dante is an important figure in literary history. In fact, he's probably responsible for bringing more converts to Christianity than any pope EVER, but at the same time it's highly unlikely that Dante really looked like this. These cocky scientist were SO confident in their artwork that they found themselves "surprised" at the "real" shape of his hooked nose. Umm, ok. Taking some dead guy's skull and creating a face you THINK fits must be pretty easy, but making it accurate is damn impossible. Now let's have a little game to bring the point home. I'm going to put up a series of four pictures that are different renditions of the SAME famous historical figure and see if you can guess who it is. Ready.... Remember, these are all supposed to be the SAME person....Ready.....GO!

A.

B.

C.

D.

Stop.

Take a guess.....

OK, give up? Alright then, let me give you one more image and see if it rings a bell...

Yup, these are ALL interpretations of how Jesus appeared in the flesh.

I can hear it now, OH YEAHHHH! That's EXACTLY what he looked like! YEAH RIGHT! Realistically speaking, it's highly unlikely that Jesus looked anything like the images we've come to accept as factual (i.e. blue eyes and blonde hair) and the same is true of Dante. I wonder what they'll have THIS handsome guy looking like seven centuries from now....

Speaking of artists who create false images...

Bush's Plan

The United States "president" and proverbial leader of the free world spoke to the country and has publically announced his plans to send 21,000 more troops into Iraq. Mind you, Iraq is a country we "WON" the war in 3 years ago ("Mission Accomplished" remember?), but for some reason we're still there, uh... fighting... a.... uh.....war. According to his plan these additional troops will help clear the country of insurgents and complete the mission. Uh yeah, what the fuck! Which mission again? There have been 12 or so different rationales given for the American presence in Iraq and various overarching "missions" for the troops to "complete". Maybe one of the reasons most HAVEN'T been completed is because everytime one mission gets started, the administration provides another one. Not only have other politicians, Repulican and Democrat been denouncing this harebrained plan, but so have the military, the Pentagon, Average Joe Citizen, Charlie Brown and Zsa Zsa Gabor- and you KNOW you have to take her seriously! The ONE highlight of this whole campaign has been the capture of Saddam Hussein who as we know was tried, convicted and hung in a taped execution. Had he been smart enough to get out the country like most of his regime instead of hiding in a hole, maybe he'd still be on the run. So OK, I've tried to keep my blog apolitical, but this guy gets the Idiot of the Year Award. Not Saddam, Bushieboy.

Speaking of Saddam....

Iraqi Court Drops All Charges Against Saddam Hussein

In a surprising twist, a court in Iraq dropped all charges against the deposed Iraqi dictator, charges which included the mass killings of 100,000 Kurds in the early 1980's. This "vindication" would surely be cause for a joyous celebration in the streets of Tikrit for Saddam and his family, except for the fact that he's DEAD! Does that mean he was innocent of the all the crimes he was accused of all along and could still be alive today had he had just....stayed....
alive...one...more...week? Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for the guy in the least, but really, after getting ribbed by the witnesses as he stood at the gallows waiting for the waning moments of his life pass, that's like pouring salt on a fresh wound. He's probably walking around sweating his ass off somewhere in Hades with Josef Stalin, Pol Pot and R. Kelly saying, "Dammit, I could've gotten off!" Oh well...Maybe some of us will be as lucky as OJ. Uh, don't hold your breath....

OK, that was wrong of me, I know... Speaking of the HEAT!

Warm January brings early Dolphins to New York's Shelter Island, Cherry Blossoms Bloom in D.C. and Polar Bears Hijack 800 Slurpee Machines from Canadian 7-11's

or

I DARE someone to tell me global warming doesn't exist!

A pod of dolphins arrived in New York's rich and famous Hamptons during unseasonably (read: ungodly) high temperatures in the easternmost part of Long Island. Residents were amazed to see friendly dolphins swimming and frolicking in the normally frigid Atlantic waters off the East Coast and took the time to leave their Hummers to photogragh the friendly mammals at play. Normally, these creatures would be enjoying warm water closer to the equator but for some reason, January is a nice time to enjoy New York (?).

Hmmm I wonder.....

At the same time, Cherry Blossoms began blooming in the nation's capital four months ahead of schedule, dumbfounding meteorologists the country over- one expressing dismay that one frost would doom the plants for the year. Hey, as someone who loves the heat and hates the cold, this global warming thing ain't so bad! First of all, there's no killer frost coming, second of all, my heating bill is lower than it's EVER been for a winter, third of all, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

Speaking of running...

David Beckham is Coming to America

David Beckham is leaving Europe and coming to play in the US.

OK, you don't know who David Beckham is?!?!? Soccer? World Cup? Anyone care? OK I guess it's just me.

Anyway, the most recognizable football player (sorry) SOCCER player who is not named Pele has signed for 250 million dollars to play soccer in the US and HOPEFULLY make soccer a first tier sport in this country alongside steroidball, tacklethemanwithatrunkloadofguns, punchthecatwithastick and stab'emuproundball. At the very least he'll get a bunch of women interested in the game with his good looks...pretty muthafucka...

Speaking of pretty muthafuckas!

Grills Invade Atlanta Classroom

One of my first blog entries was about a kid in my class named Tre who wanted to get a "grill" (see above). I explained to him at the time that he should spend his money more wisely and get something useful instead and I thought my message got through- sike! This was our first week back from Winter Break and the FIRST thing Tre told me was, "Mr. Rahmaan, I know you're going to be upset at me, but my momma got me a grill for Christmas. I didn't want one but she got it for me anyway." All I could do was shake my head in disgust. But that's not it. The same day, ANOTHER kid in my class (we'll call him Jake) told me, I got a got a grill for Christmas too! Wanna see?" He reached in his pocket, pulled out a black pleather case and opened it. Sitting inside was a shiny, silver grill- molded perfectly for his teeth. Ugh. Just to make matters worse, the most annoying boy in my class, jealous of the fact that he DIDN'T get a grill for Christmas decided to front and wrap aluminum foil around his teeth just for the attention. What the hell is wrong with these parents?!?! WHAT the FUCK!