Chocolate Jesus

A few years ago, the annual Christmas play in New York's Central Park featured a Black man playing the lead role as the son of God himself. Though no one can say for sure what Senor Cristo looked like, he probably didn't resemble Shaka Zulu, and he sure wasn't the blonde hair blue eyed cat we're used to seeing either. Regardless, people in NYC actually got OFFENDED that the play would feature a Jesus with dark skin. In fact, one female ignoramous said as she was buying her ticket, "This isn't the play with the Black Jesus is it? If so I don't think I want to see that." What is so wrong seeing a dark skinned Jesus? You don't see folks raising hell about Elizabeth Taylor playing Cleopatra, but I suppose folks are little more sensitive about the Saviour than Ms. Cleo (the Egyptian, not the fake ass psychic). It seems to me that anytime God or Jesus is given a naturally human characteristic, some religious nut gets pissed off, as if the being that "created man in his image" can't do the things humans do or look the part.

The latest victim of the religious right's wrath is Canadian artist Cosimo Cavallaro who created this image of Jesus in chocolate, arms streched as if on an invisible cross. What got everyone pissed off though is that Cosimo forgot one small detail, Jesus' loincloth- you know the thing that covers up his happy spot! Oops. So not only is his Jesus dark skinned, but he's NAKED too, showing all his manly goodies to the world! Le artiste should have seen the backlash on this one coming. Who says God has no sense of humor....

The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights called for a boycott of the hotel that houses the art gallery and eventually succeeded in shitting, I mean shutting the exhibit down, citing it as "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever." Wow. I would think creating a holiday to celebrate Nero feeding Christians to lions would be a bigger assault, but who am I? The hotel manager Matt Semler resigned, blaming "strong-arming from people who hadn't even seen the exhibit," saying further that "In this situation, the hotel couldn't continue to be supportive because of a fear for their own safety" and he even received personal DEATH THREATS because of the show. Very "Christian" indeed wouldn't you say? The most ironic thing is that the show hasn't even OPENED to the public! It was supposed to open Monday (two days from now) and end Easter Sunday, a coincidence adding to the furor. It wasn't like the sculpture had Jesus holding his chocolate penis with his left hand and throwing up gang signs with his right. He wasn't bonin' a sexy chocolate Mary Magdalene doggy style in some chocolate swinger orgy, nor was he in an inappropriate pose with little chocolate children. It was simply Jesus, naked. What is so wrong about this? I mean really, if Jesus was a man, Jesus had a dick. If Jesus washed his ass, Jesus got naked. Simple as that!

Apparently for some, Jesus, supposedly God in his/her earthly, human form depending on the belief system, can't be TOO earthly and human or else it's considered blasphemous. If Jesus had a (*gasp*) wife, and got (*gasp*) nekkid, and (*gasp*) had sex, and (*gasp*) had children then he's somehow less holy. This makes no sense to me at all! He ate, drank, slept, laughed and everything else we humans do under the sun, yet, he's exempted from participating in the best and funnest (yes, FUNNEST) of human activities, including going around "au naturale". The biggest irony of all is that the Catholic League is supposedly representing religious civil rights- hell "civil rights" in the group's title, yet they're fervently denying Mr. Cavallaro the RIGHT to display his art. Hypocracy at its finest!

I think it's safe to say that people are too sensitive about the Saviour. I know, I know, sometimes Christianity is victimized and insulted- I can admit that, however, this chocolate Jesus is not the one of those cases. Who knows, Jesus might actually be impressed and honored by the chocolate effigy saying, "Yo man, my stuff comes down to my KNEES jack, like POW!!! YEAH! That's what I'm talking about!" But instead of letting the public see the interpretation, poor Cosimo gets censored, the very thing the original Christians in America wanted to escape. Funny how times change.