Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Monday, May 07, 2007


Ahh, it's time again for another edition of What the Fuck. It's been a minute I know, but hell I've been busy!

Fake Tits and Teens.

This past weekend- Saturday to be exact, Michelle, the baby and I got together with Kiyotoe, the Couselor and Cousin Aaron to celebrate Kiyotoe's 31st birthday. Normal people celebrate Mexican Independence Day (that would be Cinco de Mayo for all those anti-immigration folks out there) by going to the nearest Mexican restaurant and ordering assloads of salsa and margaritas and singing songs in grammatically incorrect Spanish. But nooooo, we go to Benihana's for JAPANESE. No offense Eyechan, but who drinks sake on Cinco de Mayo? (besides the Japanese that is...) Anyway, at the table next to ours sat a group of youngins who were on the way to/from prom. I noticed something oddly peculiar about the 17/18 year olds sitting there- two of them girls and BOTH had fake tits. Now I'm saying this at the risk of sounding like a dirty old man, but regardless it wasn't hard to tell. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is definitely wrong with teenagers- who haven't fully grown into their own bodies yet, getting plastic surgery. They are right at the stage of understanding themselves and learning how to be comfortable in their own skin, a rite of passage of sorts to adulthood- so why throw a new issue at them right at their most fragile state? Then the following day I happened upon an article that questions the ethics of teens (primarily girls) getting plastic surgery as presents for their 16th birthdays and graduations. What struck me as the oddest aspect of the article is that many times it's the PARENTS who are pushing their teens to do it, rather than a request from the teen themselves. "What the FUCK! Parents are supposed to encourage you to be happy with yourself and be prideful of your physical appearance, not tell you (subtly of course) "You know Becky, you're an ugly fuckin' bastard with a flabby belly and a flat ass chest so go to Dr. Kut M. Allup and get a nose job, tummy tuck and some implants! 34C should work nicely for you." One girl who got plastic surgery said:

“[The surgery] has made me feel better. Now I have more self-confidence. When I go out … I’m not afraid of my fake padding falling out. I feel like I can look at myself and say, ‘I’m really pretty.’ Before, something seemed like it was missing. Now there’s nothing missing.”

Uhhh, sike! What's missing is some REAL parental guidance in REAL emotional self esteem, and no saline-filled breast bag can create that. Your self worth is nurtured from the inside out, not in some outsourced plastics factory in Calcutta! Eventually, that girl above with "new confidence" will find"new" things that she doesn't like about her body and she'll be going back to the doctor for more surgery and won't stop until she looks like this----------------------------------------------------------------------->


What happened to the notion of being happy with who you are? Or at the very least doing things to improve your self image from the INSIDE. And if you're not happy with the outside, run a few laps everyday to get rid of that extra belly. Have we become so vain in this country that our own parents can't stand to look at us? I mean even if I WAS butt ass ugly growing up, my mother would've still told me I looked perfect the way I was....Right Mom?.....uhhh.....Momma?

Speaking of being happy with who you are.....

Spencer Tunick is the MAN!

As a kid I used to wish that there was a holiday where no one could wear clothes and everyone had to go to work and school butt ass naked. I don't know if that was a signatory precursor to my adulthood perversion or just a child with a wild imagination, either way, it seems that Spencer Tunick had the same fantasy I did. In case you don't know, Tunick is a world renowned photographer who is infatuated with human nakedness, a master of gathering hundreds or thousands of people from all over the world to pose en masse.

What the fuck! What is it about this guy that he can make large groups of people drop their clothes and expose themselves on command? Imagine what you would do if you had that type of power, the dastardly things you would do....the....Ok take your hand off your genitals for a second and finish reading dammit!

This week, Tunick was at it again, gathering 18,000 people to be his visual canvas in front of Mexico City's Metropolitan Cathedral. After he shot the group, he began shooting individual women and lo and behold, young, perverted (and naked) male Mexicanos began taking out their cell phones (from where, I don't want to know!) and began taking pictures themselves. I suppose that should be expected, considering that everyone there was, well, in their birthday suits, and you're apt to have a few knuckleheads out there to ruin the artistic moment. These women were obviously offended and complained to Tunick's agent. My first instinct is to say "Suck it up- you're already naked and 17,999 other people have seen you!" But then again, I guess it's the difference between having Spike Lee get you naked on film and having Ron Jeremy get you naked on film. Who would you prefer?

Speaking of naked on film......

Paris Hilton: Go straight to jail.

Do not pass Go.

Do not collect $200!

I've had TWO people tell me that Paris Hilton is actually an intelligent person in the last six months (I guess that says a lot!). Next they'll be telling me that she's really going to jail. Wait, she IS going to jail! 45 days to be exact for driving with a suspended licence. At the recent "trial" she claimed that was driving because her publicist "thought" she could. Hold up! Now I understand that celebrities have people do shit for them all the time- you know, getting coffee, buying groceries, babysitting the shiffon, but having the peons "think" for them is on a whole different level. How do you NOT know your licence was suspended, and if you didn't know, how can you think that it's a good defense in court? "Uhhh I didn't think that I could have sex with that twelve year old child Your Honor, but my publicist said it was alright..." Oh wait, we're not talking about Michael Jackson are we? Damn. The judge didn't buy the bullshit story either and promptly sentenced her to 45 days in the clink. What the Fuck! Celebrities don't go to jail, except Ms. Cleo that is, but she should have "seen" that one coming! Callmenow! They get probation, rehab and community service, the type of sentence your crackhead Cousin Pookie should have gotten for stealing the t.v. out of that old lady's house. Is our justice system FINALLY turning over a new leaf, or was the judge just having a bad day because his bluetooth stopped working? I think the judge was having a bad day.

Speaking of gadgets for lazy people....

Blue Tooth Mania

One of the best pieces of advice my grandfather gave me was, "Keep it simple. Life is hard enough so why do things to make complications? Keep it simple!" Well, I take my Grandpa's advice like gospel and anyone who knows me personally knows that my life is the epitome of simplicity. I don't complicate things with trivial matters or complex gadgets. I like my guitars made of wood and my dinnerware made of ceramic. I don't cook anything in the microwave and I still record music on cassettes. I don't gossip with fellow teachers ABOUT fellow teachers and I don't tell them shit about what I do in my spare time. I'm so old fashioned and would still have a rotary phone if I could get my hands on one. (and Woozie asks, "What's a rotary phone?")....

Well, it has come time for me to part ways with my current cell phone and upgrade, but here's my dilemma. I JUST WANT A PHONE! I'm on Cingular's website (soon to be the "new" AT&T) and looking at the various available "phones" and each description is a myriad of techno talk that sounds like Mandarin Taiwanese pig latin with a Jamaican accent. 1.5 MP camera this, 5billion megahurt that, PIM organizer whodawhata. What the FUCK!!! I just want a PHONE!!!! Something that dials 10-15 digits so I can curse out my fucked up mortgage company and none of these phones fit the bill. Can I get just ONE that has as it's advertisement, "It's rectangular shaped, holds 100 numbers in it's memory and dials." That's all I need! If I want to use a computer I go to my laptop. If I want a camera, I get my 35mm. If I want music, I pop a cd into my cd player. If I want porn, I go to Kiyotoe's house. A PHONE is all I need, but nooooo, they are trying to strongarm me into becoming one of these people who can't help but wear their bluetooth:

Oops, wrong image....

That's more like it!

No offense Le Parq (you know who you are!) but I can't STAND these damn bluetooth things. They take laziness and grandiose self importance to a whole new level! I can't go to a bar without seeing some post frat boy with one dangling off the side of his head, with a flashing blue light that would drive an epileptic CRAZY! Wearing that thing doesn't make you look important, it makes you look like you belong on the set of Star Trek getting assfucked by a Klingon. Is answering the phone at warp speed THAT important that you can't take it out of your pocket and put it up to you ear after a couple rings? The whole reason the internal/external phone ring was invented was so that you had time to get to the phone in order to answer it, and the person calling you can WAIT until you answer. Pretty soon, The Bluetooth Decathlon will be the newest Olympic event and the objective will be to answer the phone before the person calling you finishes dialing.

And whoever comes in last place gets assfucked by a Klingon.
and finally.....
Speaking of people who need a good Klingon assfucking....

The MPAA says "No" to Smoking
The MPAA, the narcissistic, sex deprived, prudish, fascist bastards who dictate what rating a film receives have decided that smoking will be a factor in whether a movie gets a PG or R rating. Along with sex, violence and nudity, films that feature "glamorized" smoking will get a harsher rating than films without. The rationale behind this new move is that the MPAA feels teens are compelled to smoke based on what they see on the big screen but critics say that it doesn't go far enough to dissuade teens from lighting up. What the fuck! When will they learn? Teens don't take their social cues from the movies anymore. This ain't the 50's when all the young turks slicked their hair back like James Dean and drove fast down rainy highways. This is the Nineteen-two-thousands! Kids wanna be like each OTHER and peer pressure is the real culprit. If their boys are dressin' like Lil John, THEY wanna dress like Lil John- white tees all around! If you really want to get kids to avoid smoking and doing drugs, simply KILL their friends who do. That would knock out the problem altogether. OK, that's a little harsh and irrational, but it would work! OK, ok, here's a better solution- tell them the truth. As I've mentioned before in my "Lyin' to the Kids" post, giving kids a light hearted message regarding the dangers of smoking doesn't cut it. It sends a mixed message that these smart-assed modern teens see right through. Don't feed them the bullshit about the black lungs and emphazema, SHOW them what is does to living people!

Looking at a guy with a hole in his neck from cancer will surely make a teen think twice about taking another drag. But I guess that's too much like right.


Blogger Woozie said...

Well, I know what a rotary phone is, but you don't know your Mexican holidays. Cinco de Mayo isn't the Mexican Independence Day, that's September 16th. Cinco de Mayo commemorates Mexico's victory over the French (hahaha) at the Battle of Pueblo.

You spelled megahertz wrong.

Those people with the bluetooth headsets always look like they're talking to themselves if you see the side of their head without the stupid little headset.

When will the MPAA learn? I guarantee you, half of the profits made off or R-Rated movies are from teenagers. Both in theaters and DVD sales.

And don't fake the dangers of something, either. Like those stupid fucking "Above the Influence" ads with the poorly animated dog that's disappointed in the poorly animated weed smoker. And then the other one where the poorly animated alien takes the same poorly animated smoker's girlfriend away. And then there's the other one where they compare smoking pot to sticking leeches on yourself. You believe that shit?

Sat May 12, 08:23:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Sun May 13, 04:36:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Look here young man, Imma megahurtz you with my new technogadget the next time I see you....once I find out where you live....and I'm able to recognize you on the street...and find out whether you have your gun on you or not.

"And then there's the other one where they compare smoking pot to sticking leeches on yourself. You believe that shit?"

I guess I don't watch enough tv cause I missed this one. These anti-drug/alcohol programs are worthless allaround. and I don't think the MPAA will ever learn considering they've got the same mindset as this damn abstinence-only sex ed government.

Sun May 13, 06:18:00 AM

Blogger The Counselor said...


Just because you're technologically challenged--doesn't mean you have to beat-up on those of us who embrace modern society.

Prior to getting a blue-tooth, I too "hated" on those with them. You're so challenged --you seem to think they were developed so people can answer the phone more quickly! You silly rabbit. It's wireless. For those of us, getting directions or stuck in traffic for hours, it allows us to chat on the phone--without getting tangled in cords--and chat--without interferring with our driving.

So...Mr. Anti-technology...perhaps you should ditch the whole idea of a cell phone together...

Next time you have an emergency---keep it simple...

tell people about it--if you make it home...that's the "old school" way---right? LOL


Tech-whore 2GB

Sun May 13, 09:08:00 AM

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Yo man, we are so psychic-ly hooked up. We never even discussed it but i have a feeling we both saw those high school implants around the same time.

What's the world coming to? But we both know that my level of disgust is nowhere near yours.

Sun May 13, 01:47:00 PM

Anonymous pigeontoes said...

whew!... i made it through the whole thing and forgot what i was going to say in my comment...
maybe that paris is wack and that we've pretty much effed up teens, implants and all...and that i love chips and salsa or japanese on any day... i almost have your gift ready to send.

and man, don't hate on the tech world. i agree with the couselor. i think you should give me your amp. and next time you want to post send us all letters. TOMA!!! : )

but yeah, i'll admit it...you got the simple thing going on, cozy. chao.

Sun May 13, 04:20:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Techwhore 2GB- Clearly I'm a hypocrite on this one. Trust me, before I got a cell phone, I thought it more practical to pull over to a pay phone if it were that neccesary- that is until I started teaching and had to walk down the hall to call parents (clearly impractical!). Let's just say I get caught up with the tech world at my own pace...slowly! I'll update you on the new gadget when it arrives, I think even you will be impressed! But I draw the line at the bluetooth!

Kiyotoe- Of course we've got the link man! I was gonna write about Ollie st. until you beat me to the punch- punk. Then again, it hit a little closer to home for you- literally.

Ptoes- A letter? What's a letter? Email has always been around hasn't it? You know I'd gladly hand over my precious Fender Deluxe tube amp, but I heard they're illegal south of Panama, kinda like Pitbulls in Denver. Besides, I wouldn't want la policia to come and take you away for playing "I'll Take You There" late into the night. Risa would never forgive me! Can't wait for the package, mine is under construction.

Sun May 13, 05:45:00 PM

Blogger docdwarf said...

Good post. I agree, with one minor exception. 5 de mayo is NOT Mexican Independence day, it's a celebration of the battle of puebla ending the FRench intervention. As for the smoking, people would do well to focus on the effects of smoking young people care about- wrinkles and impotence.

Mon May 14, 08:01:00 AM

Blogger ambandenva2 said...


This was a great blog. Being a teacher of teenagers has warped my mind on children altogether. I have learned that if I ever think I want to have kids, I should just go to an elementary school. Teen girls and boobs, no dice. I would punch my daughter in the face just for asking for some stupid crap like that. Okay maybe not punch her...in the face. :-)
Naked chicks trying to be mad because they got extra photos taken. Duh stupid your naked and they are hormonal. Put some clothes on then dummy. Feel free to share that with them if you like. I don't mind.
Paris needs to go to jail in big max with a roommate named Big Bertha so that she can't sleep for 45 days for fear of being raped by this massive woman. Yep, I agree with the 45 days that'll teach her to sign crap without reading it. I should send her a notarized letter to sign over her entire trust fund to me. I think I would be a better person for that amount of money. I mean I will send a really pretty frilly pen for her to sign it with in jail with Big Bertha.
Blue Tooth, the only issue I have with that blasted thing is that it really hurts your ear. I use it mainly when I am driving because I don't want to be that chick holding the phone, putting on lipgloss and changing lanes all at the same time. I just don't want people to know I am on the phone at that time. LOL. It is annoying though when you see them on people in the club. I mean seriously you can't hear that person on the other end, so let them leave a message and you call them the next day. DUH!
Teens and smoking. I agree just show them the gross stuff and they are over it. My students wanted to know what STD's looked like so they Googled them. It was disgusting, but I have not had one pregnant girl in my class all year. Yaaaay for the truth.

That all I have to say from my wheelchair in the 5280.

Ms. Denva

Mon May 14, 10:54:00 AM

Blogger Natalie said...

I can't believe teenagers are getting fake boobs. The only reason for that is if they have gigantic boobs that impair their living and they need a reduction and that doesn't happen too often. Paris going to jail is so funny and it makes me so happy. I will be truly saddened if she gets let off the hook. Bluetooth scares me too. You used to see someone talking to themselves and know they were crazy but now you can't tell. I need to know who is crazy.

Mon May 14, 01:04:00 PM

Blogger mist1 said...

Hey, I grew up with Ms. Charms. Delightful girl.

Mon May 14, 06:25:00 PM

Blogger Ellie said...

I think parents should teach their children to be happy with themselves. I think that there should be a law stating that the child needs to be 18 regardless. Who ever says that parents make the best decisions?
As far as the

I would drop trough for that artist..he is way famous as artists go, but I think I would take up the entire pic so he would probably not need me.

As far as Paris Hilton...WTF??? SO you want to send her to jail, fine, but now some bitch sheriff in Arizona has offered Cali to take Paris off their hands and have her digging in the female chain gang in the hot Arizona sun while living in a tent b/c of Cali's over crowding. If they weren't singling her out before, they sure are now.

I responded to you at my place.

Tue May 15, 08:11:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Ambs- take care of them ankles lady. You've got a neice to run after next time we visit! This girl is gonna be the next FloJo!

Nat- I need to know who's crazy too! Snytime I hear someone talking to "themselves", the thought of them being on the phone is always secondary to the thought of them being sick in the head!

Mist1- Forgive my ignorance but who is Ms. Charms?

Ellie- I have to agree that plastic surgery for teens shouldn't be an option until they're 18. What are these parents thinking? They are indeed singling out Paris, but the thought of her working a chaingang, sweating her pretty little head off on the side
of an Arizona highway makes me chuckle.

Tue May 15, 08:48:00 AM

Blogger Nicole said...

Why is Paris above the law, just because she is famous for being a rich famous lowclass ?
I think that the Arizona deal sounds good.

as for the ratings system, I was just discussing with a good friend that they better take a good long look at some Disneys...
Snowwhite and the seven dwarfs...shacking up with 7 men
Bambi, the Fox and the Hound..gun violence

I won't even mention what I said about the Little Mermaid!! :)

oh, have seen you at Ellie's and Woozie's, incase you were wondering wher I came from.

Good luck arguing with RWA at Ellie's!! lol

Tue May 15, 02:59:00 PM

Blogger mist1 said...

Ms. Charms is the large breasted woman pictured. Chelsea for those in the know.

Wed May 16, 01:00:00 PM

Blogger paz y amor said...

See Mist, I knew I could count on you to come back and leave that bit of info! Tell Chelsea that she should have opted for maybe a c- cup next time you see her.

Wed May 16, 01:21:00 PM

Blogger ambandenva2 said...


Did you get that new phone yet? I have some great pics of Juicy that you should have on your phone. I also have the video too, so you need to get it together so that I can file share.

In terms of my broken down feet situation, if you come in late July or August I should be good. Feel free to come the weekend before my birthday and party with me and the crew. YAAAAY the big 2-8 I can't wait. *cha cha tune* I'm 2 years to 30. I'm 2 years to 30. Oh sorry I digress.

Thu May 17, 11:25:00 AM

Blogger mist1 said...

She actually changes cup size regularly. She has string implants. They continually grow.

I can't believe that I know this much about the woman's breasts.

Sat May 19, 10:19:00 PM

Blogger notfearingchange said...

THAT was a GREAT WTF post! HOLY SHIT....lol...loved it. Yes and girls with fake boobs early on is a bit ridiculous.

Mon May 21, 04:58:00 PM

Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Yo, i tagged you for a meme. Hey, at least you don't have to come up with anything creative on your own.

stop cryin'.

Mon May 21, 07:43:00 PM

Blogger Suspect said...

The Titanic was carrying a shitload of mayonnaise to Mexico, and when it sank the Mexican people became very sad to lose all that mayonnaise. So they made up a national holiday: Cinco de Mayo.

THAT is what the holiday is about.

Mon May 21, 11:46:00 PM

Blogger Rock said...

paz, I don't like the look of fake tits. I probably would hate the feel (I've never experienced it). Yes, I am a dirty old man, because I'm 60 and still interested in females, which is how our society defines it. Oh, well.

The first picture you showed is amazing. I see where they got the word "pillows."

Anyway, some plastic surgery seems okay to me, but not fake boobs, not puffed up lips, and not major attempts at becoming someone else. I can understand botox when you're older. I can understand a nose job for someone with a deformed shnoz. Otherwise, I don't like the Melanie Griffitch kind of thing where she ruined her lovely face with permanently swollen lips that make her seem grotesque.

Take care. Keep up the good posting.

Truth—The No Spin Politically Incorrect Zone

Tue May 22, 10:19:00 AM

Blogger paz y amor said...

Man, it's my day off! Thanks for making me work!

Suspect- I didn't want to laugh at that one, but I had to! Sink o de mayo. You're definitely a gringo aren't you!

Rock- there's no such thing as a dirty old man, unless you're FLIRTING with the ladies, in which case you just might be! No judgements here. I'm with you on the Melanie Griffith thing- the more you get, the worse you look!

Wed May 23, 05:14:00 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home