Just a place for random rantings and ravings.....

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Passe'

OHHH, I'm still stuffed from T-Day and unusually tired from doing TWO last minute class projects yesterday for the Academic Fair. Procrastination was a specialty of mine for a time and apparently, I'm teaching it to my kids! Hey at least I'm teaching them SOMETHING. Anyway, today as I was wastin time on the net, I was struck by some random criticism of the winner of the latest American Idol. Normally I'm all about doggin' that sorry, pointless, shitty replacement for Star Search in ANY way possible, but this time for whatever reason I had to take exception. It seems this guy


who works as the "Yahoo Music shit talker" found it necessary to declare that the new album by that cutie Jordin Sparks was a "flop" because it only sold 119,000 copies in it's first week of sales. Bullshit! First, any struggling musician will tell you that they'd stab themselves in the eye if they could sell 100,000 copies of their album in a week. I put out an album in 2000 and I didn't sell one copy! I had to give my shit away- although people did like it. Second, he didn't take into account that cd sales all around are down because people would rather buy one song from a shitty album than buy the whole shitty album in it's entirety.



He goes on to compare it to the album sales put up by other "Idol winners" and claim it to be an unequivocal failure. The first thing I thought was Of course it bombed, it probably sucks! but instead of being the prejudicial asshole I claim not to be, I went to amazon.com and listened to clips from the album for myself and..................well, it's not some shit I'D EVER listen to voluntarily. Besides, compared to all the mediocre horseshit they're putting on the airwaves these days, it's not that bad. (Pteeeeewey!!! I can't believe I said that!) I remember during the final rounds of competition when all these folks were saying that she was "too big" to be an American Idol and I can't help but think that he's one of the idiotic fools who believed that stoopid idea.


This got me thinking: Who gave these media assholes the authority to decide for the public what's a success or a failure. Or what the newest "hot" item is? It's kinda like those people who say that the color mauve with red polka dots are "so in" this season. Or better yet, the single women who write articles in Cosmo about how other women should "please their men". Everyone's got an opinion, but when someone else's opinion become gospel? When did people forget to think for themselves and let some schmoe (or schmoess) from N.Y. tell them what to wear to work and what music to buy? Since we're so gullible, I thought I'd become my own damn social critic and since you're reading this, you must follow directions and do as I say. I hope you're ready to change your life!




1. Tofu is the new pork. It looks like pork fat, tastes like pork fat (i.e. has no taste) and like pork fat, is a pointless culinary wonder- unless you're in Asia.

pork fat


tofu



2. Everyone needs to learn another language and visit another country. Piglandia doesn't exist so Pig Latin doesn't count Kiyotoe. Get back to those Japanese lessons!





3. Fellas, pink is the new neon piss yellow. If you wear it- in ANY form, you deserve to spend the night in some Siberian prison with a cellmate named Lugar the Luscious.




4. Radio is now off limits to EVERYONE, unless you're tuning in to local college stations or NPR.









5. Gutbuster's is the newest fine dining experience. If you don't have a Gutbuster's in your area, dress up in your best jeans and t-shit and go to the best Philly Cheesesteak place around.










6. If you're planning on getting plastic surgery to "enhance" your features, shoot yourself.




7. 13 is your newest lucky number.




8. Coffe is giving way to hot chocolate! Drop your double latte from Starbucks and pick up a packet of Swiss Miss (with marshmellows).








9. Twin Falls Idaho is the best movie of 1999.








10. Ladies, bras are so passe. They're uncomfortable and were invented by some guy who liked to privately dress in drag. Liberate yourselves!

What's that?!?! The weather? I don't care how cold it is outside in November! Take 'em off!

12 Comments:

Blogger notfearingchange said...

OHMIGOD pic 6 makes me want to vomit

Thu Nov 29, 07:55:00 PM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

Give me pork or give me death!

Now I know you're not black, no sane negro would ever, eeeeeever, suggest giving up pork.

Sun Dec 02, 02:15:00 PM

 
Blogger eyechan said...

c'mon don't be dissin tofu man. that stuff rocks. sure it don't taste so good on its own. but add a little soy suace and sprinkle some diced green onion on top. then you've got the yin and the yang and you're good to go. trust me.

Sun Dec 02, 11:05:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

NFC- Sick ain't it! I don't know why ANYONE would do such a thing to themselves.

Woozie- I'm as Black as you are, but my dad was a Muslim (which explains my lack of love for pork)so I think I have a slight edge on you. Well, at least I HAD an edge on you until Hulkamania decimated Manhatten. Now they've tapped my phones and check my email for me!

Eye- Hey man, I did give Asia the exception since tofu is such a huge part of the diet there. I don't think I'll ever understand why people like it so much, but I suppose I'm not supposed to. I think what turned me off to it was when I went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and they had "Turkey flavored tofu". As you can guess, it tasted nothing like turkey....

Mon Dec 03, 04:53:00 AM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

So you a 'black' man who ain't never had pork chops?

Tue Dec 04, 03:09:00 PM

 
Anonymous Nic said...

I'd like to see you carry my breasts around without a bra and see how sore they'd feel...plus I don't want them saggin!!! lol

Tue Dec 04, 06:28:00 PM

 
Blogger Nicole said...

that was me BTW...don't know what blogger is up to now!!!
always something with damned blogger!

Did you REALLy get spanked at 17?

Tue Dec 04, 06:29:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Woozie- Yup, me and Farrakan are the last of our species. No pork chops for me!

Nic- I'm sure your breast are beautiful (your hubby's not reading is he?) but even though I LOVE breastesesss- and I ain't talkin KFC here, I don't envy the extra burden you ladies have to carry around. Who said saggin' boobies are a bad thing? :)

I did get my last spanking at 17. I don't remember what I did exactly- I think I snuck a girl in the house. My mother never did things to humiliate us unless we were being disrespectful. I think she considered that just a little disrespectful....

Wed Dec 05, 05:19:00 AM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Wed Dec 05, 05:20:00 AM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

Then you, kind sir, are a communist. Damn the proletariat, bourgeoisie forever!

Wed Dec 05, 05:09:00 PM

 
Blogger paz y amor said...

Nice contradiction Comrade Woozieski. If I can make my manifesto half as good as yours, I'll be on my way to big things! Just as long as I don't have to eat chittlins

Wed Dec 05, 06:43:00 PM

 
Blogger Woozie said...

I'll give you that, chitlins are gross.

Fri Dec 07, 04:10:00 PM

 

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